When Your Friends Don't Like Who You're Dating....
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (@drpamspurr on Twitter & Instagram) breaks down her tips on what to do when your friends and your new date don't get along.
It’s a scenario so many singles dread. You’ve finally found someone that you really like spending time with. It’s got to the point where you introduce them to your friends. And then one of your friends clashes with your new boyfriend or girlfriend.
Life would be so simple if all your friends got along with the new person in your life. You’re at the stage with them where you don’t want to have to deal with stress. Then when you finally have introduced them, it’s very stressy with one of them not taking a liking to this new person.
It’s so uncomfortable, you feel responsible for how your new date feels and you’re also feeling probably a bit angry about it. “Why can’t my friends just be accepting?” is what you’re thinking.
Here are a few tips to try to smooth a better path:
*Set your boundaries straight away with this friend. You don’t have to make matters worse right when you first introduce them to each other – but give your friend a call the next day.
Ask them if they had some sort of problem with your new date. Explore why they took against the new person in your life. Let them know how much it means to you if they would be welcoming to them.
*They don’t have to be best friends. Make it clear that your friend and your new date don’t have to be best friends. Simply ask for them to give another chance to get along together.
*Ask how you can make it a smoother meeting the next time you get them together. Your friend might open up about how they are worried you’re rushing into things or some other reason why they weren’t friendly. By asking how you can smooth things over, and hearing any potential reason such as this, gives you the chance to reassure your friend that everything is okay.
*If your friend complains that your new date wasn’t actually friendly to them, you’ll have to tackle that! Is your new date a bit shy? Or some other reason which might have led them to acting a bit standoffish? You can get to the heart of these types of problems and get everybody feeling a friendly vibe.
*Of course, down the line it might be that a friend thinks you’re neglecting your friendship by putting your heart and soul into your new relationship. This is always a good time to stop and think about how you balance friendships with someone new.
Ask yourself if you are neglecting friends? It can be a balancing act but it can be done.
Sometimes it feels like you’re being pulled in so many directions when all you want to do is enjoy your new relationship and your established friendships. Take a positive attitude and have a good, honest and supportive chat, things will work out.
Finally, definitely don’t give in to emotional blackmail from either an established friend or a new partner about how much time you’re investing in the other. They need to be grown-ups about the situation too.
Good luck and happy dating, Pam x
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