What your birth-order says about your dating behavior
Do you have a Middle Child Complex? Dr Pam Spurr digs in...
If you’re dating someone new, it can be hard to figure out their personality right away. The more info you have when you’re meeting people, the better your experiences.
Ask them about their brothers and sisters. Part of theirs (and your) emotional make-up depends on your birth-order amongst your brothers and sisters.
Birth-order influences dating behaviour and choices. The headlines for birth-order are as follows:
They are usually much more independent in relationships and definitely bossier. After all, they were used to having all the attention until the next child arrived. This means that on the whole, they expect things to go their way. Be prepared, you may not be the centre of the universe as they’re often quite independent, goal-focused and self-focused.
This person probably needs more attention than any other birth-order place. Often left out of the attention between the assertive first-born and the doted-on baby of the family, they end up seeking attention in various ways. Rock stars and movie stars are often middle-born children. Be prepared they’ll want all your attention plus they’re most likely to do things to grab your attention if they’re attracted to you.
The baby of the family quite naturally received lots of attention for being so “cute”. On the whole, they’re more easy-going and easier to please. Frequently they’re naturally ‘likeable’ and you might just find you have competition with other people. Be prepared to be charmed by their easy nature.
What’s another interesting way to learn more about the new person you’re dating?
Listen closely when they talk about their past experiences because they’re so revealing.
It’ll help you identify potential emotional baggage and/or negative patterns of behaviour in their previous dating and relationships.
Watch for the following five key, negative attitudes they might have about their past experiences –
*It was always their exes fault – Blaming their exes for all their issues shows they can’t take responsibility for their part in relationships.
*They’ve been left devastated and “can’t trust again” : They’re likely looking for a way out when things look serious. This is self-protection so that they don’t have to face going through a breakup… at least he assumes everything is heading for a breakup.
*They say they always makes bad choices with partners: At some point, they’re going to decide you’re a bad choice.
*They believe that relationships are inevitably painful: They’ve lost all ability to be optimistic and this will negatively impact on dating them.
*They regret ever having been with their exes: An emotionally immature view of previous relationships. We’ve all had them, you can’t just wish them away.
Such classic, negative thinking about previous partners reveals an inability to let go, to forgive, or even embrace the fact that no two partners are alike.
They might well have had some painful experiences but if they seem to put things in perspective about exes, it shows they’re probably a good bet.
As you get to know each other, if they talk about the highs and lows of past relationships, but doesn’t act as if they’ve been completely stabbed in the back/had their heart torn out by some “awful person”, then they probably have good emotional intelligence.
Always run doubts about these things past a trusted friend. Get their take on whether they’re too hung up on the past. It might turn out they agree with you or think you’re being oversensitive about their ex/exes.
It’s surprising how, when we think outside the box, we can actually learn a bit more about someone new in our life.
Check out Dr Pam’s podcast: https://bit.ly/2JFPjBU
Follow Dr Pam Spurr on Twitter @drpamspurr and at www.drpam.co.uk
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