What goes on in the mind of Players?

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Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares the truth behind players.

If not 100%, then nearly a 100% of people who have ever been on the dating scene have come across a so-called player. That person who often hones in on someone who already has a partner as evidently Nathalia has in Love Island. Or other common behaviours we see in players include blowing hot and cold, being unreliable, and checking out other people behind your back. 

The three most common reasons people become players:

1) Many players are often deeply insecure. They muck people around to try and build their own confidence. They might have been hurt in the past and by toying with people’s emotions they hurt others is a type of revenge.  

2) Many players are often scared of intimacy. By playing around it protects them from never getting emotionally close to someone even if they get sexually close to them.

3) Some players are naturally cruel people. They may fall on the sociopathic scale where they lack empathy for others. They might also lack remorse for treating others badly.

Those are powerful reasons to stay away from players although often people are drawn to them. It can feel quite exciting and exhilarating as you wonder if you will be ‘the one’ they choose! 

What’s interesting is the fine line between what many people in the middle ground consider ‘playing’. 

The stats show a number of interesting things:

*1 in 10 thinking sexting is `just a bit of fun',

*However, including suggestive photos, 62% of people considered it to be unacceptable.

*A third of those who admit to sexting someone other than the person they’re dating, said it led on to more compromising suggestions like meeting up.