Which Type Of Romantic Are You?

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Sex and Relationship expert, Dr Pam Spurr, takes us through the pros and cons of each type.

The Dreamer

You’re in search of a soul mate who will make all your dreams come true, and maybe you are also just a little bit in love with the idea of love. While this is very romantic, it’s worth knowing that romance can sometimes be the enemy of love. Meaning, it’s a good way to avoid being in love. However, the good news is that if you take off those rose-tinted glasses, it won’t take you long to find the love you need (rather than want).

Just remember: no person is 100 per cent perfect, and no one can just adore you all the time. If you’re in a relationship, it can also help to lower your expectations of what love can do for your life. Love can’t erase your hang-ups or financial problems, or even make you feel happy if you’re not already. Don’t lay responsibility of your life onto someone else, and reject him or her when they don’t live up to your ideal.


As a “dreamer” with strong romantic inclinations many men will adore the fuss you make over them. Women often forget that men also like being made to feel special by a romantic woman. With your natural creativity when it comes to love and romance, you will dream up constant little ways to surprise him. As a lover you'll try to make things perfect for him in the bedroom. And when you manage that you positively thrive on the experience.


The biggest drawback is that you expect him to be just as romantic in return. You may end up very disappointed! Lots of men just don't know where to start. As long as you don't scare him off with what might seem unreal expectations you can coax a little romance out of him.

The Thinker

Although you look before you leap and are very wary of making rash relationship moves, when you do fall in love, you are a loyal and devoted partner. But the problem is, if your partner lets you down then it’s goodbye to him or her, as you’re very black and white about love. This vision can cause havoc in your relationships, as it means that there is no room for forgiveness, manoeuvre or growth.

You need to accept that love is sometimes a messy journey, as this will give you (and your partner) a break when things go awry. If you’re single, you need to watch that you don’t think yourself out of a relationship by over-analysing someone’s behaviour. Give yourself time to see if you like someone, and follow your gut instinct, but don’t over-analyse their words, actions and dress sense, sometimes it pays to trust your heart and not your head.


As a "thinker" you not only have a lot to give but you can be a great teacher to him when it comes to helping him learn to communicate in a relationship. Taking the skills you have well developed, you can be great at talking through things with him. You're a thoughtful and sensuous lover. 


The main drawback is your belief that you're pretty much always right because you've been thinking over every angle. The problem with this is that everyone can come up with a unique angle given a chance. So you need to be open to listening to him when facing hurdles or issues. You also need to let go from time to time and be spontaneous within the relationship.

High maintenance girl

You’re a whirlwind in love, a force that can seem callous to those left behind. You demand a lot from the person you’re with, and sometimes it can seem to your lovers that this relationship is all about you. Although it’s good to know what you want, for a relationship to work you should also listen to your partner’s needs.

Love is a two-way process, and it’s easy for one person to fall into the shadow of another and simply be labelled the giver, which in the long term is a recipe for disaster, as it means the relationship can only grow so far. If you’re keen to stick to your high-maintenance requirements, make sure you always give as much as you take: otherwise, all your relationships are going to have a natural sell-by date.


As a "high-maintenance girl" your partners will never be bored. Particularly at first men will be enthralled with your natural chemistry that makes you fascinating. You are also likely to be wild in bed and indulge in new sex tricks with him. 


The potential drawback is that men will start to see you as selfish if you don't give them the opportunity to shine too. Also the fact that you're a natural man-magnet means a partner may get jealous if you play on this by flirting with other men.

The Player

To friends you act as if you don’t mind short-term affairs, one-night stands and being single, but there’s a part of you that craves long-term love and security but does everything to avoid it. To create intimacy in your relationships, you need to (1) allow someone to like you for yourself; that is, show them who you really are, by being ‘real’ with them; and (2) learn how to trust both your partner and yourself.

If you’ve been a player for a while this can be hard, as we tend to judge others by our own actions. So, if you’ve cheated on someone and got bored in the past, then you assume that others will do this, too. To break the cycle you need to look at where your distrust and desire to play the field comes from and tackle these issues before you tackle love. 


As a "player" you'll actually have a natural understanding for a man's insecurities and issues. You’re fantastic at analysing other people's problems (just not so good at handling your own issues) and for men this can sometimes be a breath of fresh air. You'll also be great fun when you're on a high and certainly know a trick or two in the bedroom. 


As you'll be quite guarded about your real feelings and being yourself, some men will begin to get tired of your more shallow, fun side and want to find some depth in you. If you don't open up and take a chance you'll lose out in love.

Originally published on Dr Pam Spurr’s blog

Follow Dr Pam Spurr on Twitter @drpamspurr

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