Three top signs it could be YOU!
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares the three signs that the breakup is about you vs them.
Everyone knows the saying: it’s not you, it’s me. Unfortunately, the subtext of this saying can mean that it IS you. And whatever it is, they simply don’t have the courage to discuss it. Or they feel it’s unnecessary to do so if you’ve only had a few dates.
When singles have only had a few dates, or a short relationship, this pat answer seems the easiest solution. After all, who wants to go into the gory details of why you no longer feel attracted to the person that you’ve only recently met.
When people hear “it’s not you, it’s me” it does tend to send a chill down the spine, though. A recently dumped single starts examining every aspect of their behaviour and, whether or not, it really was their fault the dating ended.
As I always say, there’s no point in going over and over your few dates, or short relationship, if that person isn’t prepared to give you a full reason for why they no longer want to see you.
Three key signs that signals it probably was about you and your behaviour:
Too much, too soon - In the short time you’ve spent together you’ve come across as viewing them as your future husband/wife. This can be daunting if you are over eager and overexcited every time you get a message or call from them. Or you bombard them with messages after every meet up.
Too much chat about your ex - You might not have even realised you were doing it. But your ex is such a frequent part of your conversation that the new person in your life thinks you’re hung up on them. You might be. You might not be. But you need to be aware if you’re always bringing up your ex, when seeing someone new. It can put them off very quickly.
You were rude to serving staff at the pub or restaurant - I hear all too frequently from singles who told me that they dropped someone because they hated the way that person treated, for example, serving staff. It comes across as rude and arrogant to be impolite in these circumstances. If you’ve had poor service, you can complain in a way that doesn’t make you look like a total sod.
These three issues crop up frequently in my date coaching. They are top turnoffs with someone new. It’s always worth thinking through things like these and whether you need to be aware of them. However, please also remember it might actually have been about them!
Happily you come to the conclusion.
Good luck and happy dating x
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