The Wingwoman Code During Quarantine.
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (on Twitter @drpamspurr) breaks down the rules of sisterhood when it comes to playing wingwomen.
I’ve always valued my friendships, even more during lockdown. Regular chats make lockdown feel bearable.
If you’re single, friendships are even more important but in my line of work I hear from people who feel let down and disappointed by a friend’s behaviour.
The sisterhood code’s crucial to follow and ensure, that as singles, your friendships are super strong.
Here are a few tips to help each other as single friends:
* Don’t criticise her choices
It’s lockdown and she’s met someone online. From what you hear about him, he doesn’t sound like a good choice. But you know she’s lonely and their banter has set off some sort of sexual chemistry in her. You fear she won’t listen to your concerns.
The thing is, people listen when they feel respected. Keep that in mind, respect is such a big part of healthy friendships.
Just as you’d like her to be tactful when criticising your dating choices, do the same for her. Begin these conversations by reminding her of how amazing she is. Ask her how things are going - ask what he’s really like when they chat: does he listen to her? Is he respectful?
She’ll open up since you’re showing her that you can be trusted not to slap down everything about him. Keep being supportive and hope she sees the light.
*Coping with her criticisms
The situation’s reversed and your friend disapproves of the man you started seeing before lockdown or that you’ve met online since. If you normally respect her opinion then do listen to what she has to say.
You’re a grown woman and obviously make your own choices - but we can all make bad choices. Sometimes we don’t see it coming. But if you’ve shared with her that he is always talking about sex since you started chatting with him, she might worry about his motives when you finally meet up.
Remember, she’ll be critical of him based on what you’ve said about him. And you have to ask yourself if pride stops you from listening?
* Be aware of her desperation
We can all act desperately when single. Who hasn’t jumped into a whirlwind fling because we’re lonely or fresh out of a breakup – only to regret it? Maybe she’s mentioned she’s chatting to loads of guys online. It seems like she’s getting carried away, maybe with a few of them. Maybe she’s normally more cautious and choosy, than she’s been recently during lockdown?
As her friend you realise she’s lonely and enjoying the attention from different people. But you worry that somehow it’ll come crashing back on her.
You know what she needs most? For you to be the best possible friend, to stay in contact, to keep boosting her up and letting her know all the wonderful things she has to give.
* Keep putting each other first
You know it’s against the sisterhood code to dump a friend for a date. It’s equally against the code to find you’re totally side-lined just because your friend is constantly online looking for love.
Or the reverse and it’s you who’s stopped messaging/facetiming her because you’re facetiming that new guy or chatting to lots of guys.
Lockdown’s really changed how a lot of us feel, everything feels different so you need to keep thinking of the bigger picture. That once you can meet up with your friend again, and things get back to ‘normal’ that your friendship’s still really solid. The confidence that a great friendship gives you, helps when you’re back on the dating scene.
Sign up now with your wingman by downloading the Wingman app in the App store and Google Play store. Available in the US and UK for IOS and Android devices.
Follow Dr Pam Spurr on Twitter @drpamspurr and at www.drpam.co.uk
Check out Dr Pam’s podcast: https://bit.ly/2JFPjBU
Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash
Photo credit: @criene via Twenty 20
Photo by Katie Treadway on Unsplash