The signs you're not ready to date again just yet.
Our relationship expert, Dr Pam Spurr (on Twitter @drpamspurr) shows us the key signs to look out for that signal you shouldn't jump back into dating just yet.
One of the truest things I’ll ever tell you is: when you’re single and looking for love, the best love you’ll find is when you’re at your best.
If you head out looking for love when you feel insecure, vulnerable, lack confidence and have low self-esteem, you’ll attract someone who wants to take advantage of that.
This is why it’s key to recover from an unhappy relationship or dating experience before you look for love again.
There are the signs to look for in yourself that you still need time to heal before you get back on the dating scene.
Here are some of those key signs:
*Your ‘bad days’ when you obsessively think about the unhappy times you experienced, outweigh the good days.
*When you keep blaming yourself for the way you were treated.
*When you feel you’re worthless and they would’ve treated you better if you were worthy.
*When you feel you can’t share these unhappy feelings with your nearest and dearest.
*When you still think maybe you could change things if you got back with the person who treated you badly.
*When you think you’re probably only going to meet people who treat you that way.
*When you can’t think of anything good about yourself.
*When you still rack your brain asking: “what could I have done differently so they treated me better?”
*You’re still full of hatred for this person or full of confusion about them.
If you’re feeling these things, the key message for you is that you’re still deeply affected by their bad treatment.
*It’s time to open up to nearest and dearest about how you’re feeling. They’ll help you ‘reframe’ the fact that you have no reason to feel guilty.
*Also focus on the fact that if a friend had been treated that way, you would be reassuring the friend that they were best out of that relationship.
*Challenge your thinking that if you had been a “better person”/”done things differently”, that person wouldn’t have treated you badly. That’s untrue, that’s their way of keeping someone down.
*Work on your general confidence before heading out looking for love again. The more confident you feel, the better the person you attract!
*If, with the help of friends and family, and working on yourself, you still feel badly after that relationship or dating experience, do look for emotional help near you.
You deserve better and to feel better about yourself.
Sign up now with your wingman by downloading the Wingman app in the App store and Google Play store. Available in the US and UK for IOS and Android devices.
Follow Dr Pam Spurr on Twitter @drpamspurr and on Instagram @drpamspurr
For more advice, visit her website at www.drpam.co.uk
Check out Dr Pam’s podcast: https://bit.ly/2JFPjBU
View Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php
Photo by Edu Lauton on Unsplash
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
Photo by Max Ilienerwise on Unsplash