The Relationship Questions You Need To Ask Yourself.

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Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (on Twitter @drpamspurr) shares the first five Q's we should ask about our relationship.

I’m constantly asked by people in the first flush of ‘love’ (let’s be honest, it’s really the first flush of lust): “How can I tell if we’ve got the basis for a really good relationship?” 

This is the million-dollar question that’s complicated to answer because there are so many factors that affect what direction your relationship will take. Will it end up in true love or will it end up in drama and heartache?

One way of analysing how you think you’re doing with your new partner is to ask yourself 10 key questions. Here are the first five, next week the next five!

Ask yourself and answer honestly…

Are my new partner and I a “good fit”? 

By ‘good fit’ I mean do things seem pretty harmonious between you? You haven’t stressed out over things like who is paying for a date, you seem to share the same sorts of values, you seem to enjoy doing the same things, etc.

Do we have a strong basis for a friendship?

“Friendship” is what you’re asking yourself. “This is passion, this is love, this is chemistry,” may be what you’re thinking and although those things are wonderful but if you’re going to be together a long time, it’s important to also feel like they’re your friend.

Do we want the same things in our relationship and out of life? 

Are you both pretty driven in your respective careers or are you both more relaxed? Do you both lust after a home and stability or are you more interested in adventure? Quite early on you can usually gauge where your new partner stands on such things.

Are our expectations realistic?

Both of your expectations are crucial to determining your relationship happiness. If even one of you has expectations of perfection, lots of romance all the time, and being indulged and spoilt, that spells trouble. 

Obviously, most people fall somewhere in the middle of those huge expectations and very low expectations for relationship. The happiest new couples are those who have similar levels of expectations.

Do we generally see the best in each other? 

Do you feel encouraged and supported by your new partner? And do you do that for them – encourage them? Do they seem positive and optimistic about you and your relationship? And are you positive and optimistic about things with them? 

A great foundation for a positive relationship is encouraging each other. Quite the opposite of bringing each other down.

Happy dating, Pam x

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