The Red Flags You Should Look Out For In Your New Partner
Our relationship expert Dr Pam (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) talks us through the tell tale signs that show they many not be the one.
Working with so many singles I hear all sorts of stories about people missing ‘red flags’. These red flags are often ignored because a person hopes for the best and wants to give someone more chances.
They continue dating only to discover that person isn’t worth their time! And that they should have paid attention to those red flags.
Here are three key flags to watch for:
It’s all about them
The places you go, the timings of when you meet, how much contact you have, etc., suits them. If they have something about their personality that attracts you – maybe charisma, maybe humour – it can be hard to see what’s really going on. When you’re with them, their personality takes over, and it’s fun and/or attractive. But it can really test you with them having it all their way.
Top tip: You can get around this by setting boundaries early. It can work by simply saying things like: Can I choose where we go this weekend? Or: that time doesn’t work for me can we make it this time, etc.
If they are still resistant then you need to decide if this is the way you want to spend your time.
Show me the money
They never offer to pay, they expect you to pay for everything, they say things like they will treat you ‘next time’. But next time never comes! Trust me, it can seem bewildering that someone wouldn’t want to pay for some of the dates, at some point. Even with an old school dynamic where the man offers to pay for the woman, at some point it’s nice for her to offer to pay for something.
Top tip: Again, you simply need to set your boundaries. Before you next see them, maybe when you’re talking about where you’re going to meet, say: Can you please pick up the bill this time? I’d really appreciate that.
If they avoid this suggestion, it’s up to you if you’d want to stay with them.
It’s all about the ex
Of course, we all talk about our exes at some point. It’s quite a different matter if everything they do or say is then related back to something about their ex. Although it’s tempting to brush it under the carpet and think that they simply need more time to get over their ex, this is definitely a red flag. It suggests they would drop you in an instant if they could get their ex back.
Top tip: Sometimes a person needs reminding that they always bring up their ex. You can do this tactfully but confidently and gauge their reaction. It’s a good sign if they react by saying they’re so sorry they didn’t realise they were going on about their ex. If they react by saying their ex was such an important part of their life that of course they’re going to talk about him or her, that’s a bad sign.
There are many more dating red flags, look out for it soon! In the meantime, happy dating, Pam x
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