The Early Dating Rules You Need To Know About - Pt 2

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Our relationship expert, Dr Pam Spurr (on Twitter @drpamspurr), gives us some extra tips on how to make that relationship start from success.

Following on from my last Wingman column about basic ‘rules’ you should follow when first dating, here are some other key ones. These aren’t rules like old school dating guide rules, but attitudes and behaviours that you should take on.

Here goes with five more for you

Early Dating Rule No. 6Never compare 

It happens far too frequently where you decide to share with that new person what your ex was like in bed. Even worse if you compare them! 

Thankfully most of you reading this will think “I’d never do that!”, but I hear from plenty of men and women where this has happened. Even if you’re making a favourable comparison, just don’t do it. It means you’re still thinking about sex with your ex and that’s not a good start for your new relationship.

Early Dating Rule No. 7The rebound rule

Nine times out of ten, you’ll spoil it with a new person by wanting to jump into a relationship with them too soon after a breakup. If you only recently broken up with someone you take too much painful baggage into the new relationship. 

Post-break up, date for fun or wait to date until you’re ready for a new relationship. The best way to gauge the right time to date again is when you're NOT looking to replace your oldrelationship. Or when you’re not looking for someone to take away your loneliness. 

It’s not a good look for an unhappy single to search for love too soon. Post-break up is the time to dip your toe into dating but strengthen your friendships, become stronger and throw yourself into your passions and hobbies. If you’re still thinking about your ex all the time, you’re not ready for someone new.

Early Dating Rule No. 8Don’t ridicule his/her hobbies, his/her style, etc.

It’s tempting when you meet someone new to think you can shape some of the things about them that don’t quite fit your ideal partner. Maybe you don’t like their hobby or the clothes they wear. And maybe you think a bit of criticism will change these. Scratch that!

It’s absolutely true that over time couples often mould each other a little bit – and that goes both ways. But dive in with ridicule about things you don’t like and they’ll probably drop you.

Early Dating Rule No. 9Avoid the cosy routine ‘syndrome’ 

Don’t fall into the trap where after a few dates, inwardly, you think they’re the one and you slip into a cosy domestic routine. You say you’ll do the weekend-shop, you’ve got your toothpaste and shampoo over at theirs in nanoseconds, and buy the grooming products you noticed in their bathroom to put in yours for them.

You can frighten someone off by being too cosy, too quickly. Either it looks a bit desperate (never a good look) or it seems a bit boring, they still want things to be exciting. 

Early Dating Rule No. 10Ban game-playing 

There’s a big difference between having a little mystery and gameplaying. One way to quickly put them off is to game play. This includes flirting with other people when you’re out together.  

Or doing things like saying you can’t meet up, but then messaging them saying that you can. Maybe even backing out again, generally messing up their plans. Not good! Pretty much any ‘game’ you don’t want played on you, don’t play on them. 

Happy dating, Pam x

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