Single? Beware of Being ‘Pocketed’!

And yet another term for the singles that I date-coach: ‘pocketing’! Let’s say you've been seeing someone for a while but so far you haven’t met their friends or family - you could be in a pocketing situation. 

There are many people who don’t like to rush introducing someone new to their friends and family, when they’ve started dating someone. Fair enough! However, there comes a time when most of us start thinking we would like to meet their friends and family and also have them meet ours.

On the whole I think pocketing is different to being a commitment-phobe. Those with big commitment issues rarely settle down for good and it runs through their personality like a band of unbreakable steel. With pocketing, it seems it’s more about taking time.

Some key tips if you think you’re being pocketed:

*Keep it to simple plans, but ask them to come meet your friends. Make it a relaxed scenario, just a few drinks, nothing big. You can demonstrate that meeting your friends can be a chilled event. And maybe they’ll start thinking that you, meeting their friends, could also be relaxed and fun.

*If they haven’t said anything about getting together with their friends, when feeling relaxed say something like: I heard about this new bar opening up. Maybe you’d like to bring a couple friends along and we can check it out. Or some suggestion like this. Putting it out there in this manner it will feel less daunting.

*I think it’s a good idea to have a timeline in your mind. For instance, if you haven’t met their friends after six months of dating then it’s time to have a conversation about it. Again, you can do it when you’re both relaxed. You could start by saying how fun it was when you got together with your friends and you wonder why you haven’t met his/her friends yet. You can take it from there with whatever response they give you.

*Finally, if their friends are still off-limits now is the time to think about the fact they might be a commitment-phobe. The ball is in your court! It’s your decision if you’re happy doing ‘dating-light’ with them. Where things never deepen but are good between you. But if you want more, then it’s time to move on.

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

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