Signs of a bad wingman
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shows us the signs to look out for when spotting a sabotaging friend.
Our friends play a huge part in our dating life. They can be there for us when we need a shoulder to cry on, we need to run every last detail about the date past them, when they weep for joy that you have found a good man or woman and more.
Unfortunately, not all friends are that happy with our success when it comes to finding love. Some may quietly feel envious wishing they had also met someone who is really great. Others might feel downright jealousy because you don’t have so much time for them anymore.
Although, a side note here, never dump a friend for a date! If you’ve made plans with them, don’t dump them. You can always grab that date, with that new person, at another time.
When these issues of envy or jealousy get out of hand, a friend (who doesn’t have the best intentions) might try and meddle in your new relationship.
Here’s a key checklist of what meddling behaviour to watch out for:
*They get word that you might be seeing that new person on, for example, Saturday night. They immediately suggest you do something together on Saturday night!
*For what seems like good reason they make a dig about that new person. Obviously, you want your friends to notice something like gas lighting behaviour. But in this case it seems like an unnecessary dig, maybe about that person’s looks.
*You’ve introduced them to that new person and they act awkward around them, seemingly hoping to make that new person feel awkward!
*It can get worse, for instance, they know you’ve got plans with that new person and they come up with a big reason why they must see you. Maybe telling you they’ve had a big problem come up, or something that guilt trips you into ditching your date, for them.
*When you and they get together with your old group of friends, they’re the one who stirs it up about the new person in your life. Maybe they joke about the person you’re seeing or are actively critical. Their motivation here is to try and get your friends in line with them.
If you notice any of these key behaviours, and it’s a friendship you want to keep, will have to address them this friend.
Good luck and happy dating, Pam x
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