Recharge Your Dating Self - Part 2

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Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr) gives us her second set of tips on how to get dating ready in 2021.

Last week I covered the first five tips for recharging your dating-self. It’s like giving your car an MOT, it’s a good idea to MOT your dating-vibe to give yourself the best chance of meeting someone worthy of you. 

Here is my second set of top tips: 

Create A Comfort Zone 

Creating a comfort zone around you means taking the anxiety out of you - and them - when you start face-timing before any meet ups. With lockdown, people are spending more time face-timing than ever before - because there are slim chances of actually meeting up. 

Creating your comfort-zone means you don’t start any chats in a state of nerves - or running late - because you hadn’t got yourself sorted out, etc. 

For your own peace of mind, your comfort zone means you’ve, for example, given yourself time to get ready for a video chat so you’re not flustered. And if you fluster easily then sort out the outfit for your Zoom-date well in advance so you’re not running around looking for the “perfect” look with only a minute to go. 

Look For Fun

If you’ve not had any success for a while it can be really helpful to stop looking for the ‘love of your life’, your ‘soul-mate’, and your future ‘baby-daddy/mamma’. Because sometimes looking for this important person plays out in your body language. 

Instead go into app-chats and face-timing looking for fun (and by ‘fun’ I don't mean sex. Although you might be looking for sex, too!). Holding this in mind will naturally relax you – and that’ll show in your vibe.

Keep Them Wanting More

It doesn’t matter that you’re looking for love in lockdown, it’s still important to create a little mystery. Instead of being instantly available when you’ve matched with someone and they suggest a chat suggest a time that actually suits you. This is not game playing, it’s simply showing that you have a life. And that you can’t instantly be available for a chat or to stay chatting for hours on end.

Plus, don’t feel you must reveal exactly what you’ve been up to. Until you know them better, you don’t have to say what pressing work you have to do or the fact you want to do a face mask! It’s a different story once you’re moving towards a relationship and you share more and more what you do in your time away from them. 

Rejection Isn't Failure

It’s never fun to be rejected – you’d matched on an app, you’d messaged a bit and then it stopped. They weren’t interested in continuing to getting to know you. 

We've all been turned down! The worst thing you can do is take it to heart. There could be a hundred reasons why they didn’t want to keep messaging or FaceTiming - something could have come up in their life and they decided they just didn’t have the time for dating, or they felt you weren’t right for each other, etc. 

Turn the tables on your thinking - you've undoubtedly turned someone down because of any number of reasons and it didn't make that person a sad reject. Onwards and upwards.

Widen Your Circle Of Opportunity

If you’re still looking for someone in the same places - like hoping to catch someone’s eye on Twitter or Instagram - and you haven’t found it - then it’s time to widen your circle of opportunity. That was easier before lockdown when you could go to new bars, new restaurants and new single events. However, now you might just meet the right person through other options, e.g. if you have a friend searching on your behalf through Wingman, if you broaden your search. 

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

Sign up now with your wingman by downloading the Wingman app in the App store and Google Play store. Available in the US and UK for IOS and Android devices.

Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one:

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash