Recharge Your Dating Self For 2021

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It's a new year and a fresh start, our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (on Instagram and Twitter @drpamspurr) gives us the new dating habits we can try out to find love in 2021.

New Year is the perfect time to think ahead about how to recharge your dating ‘self’. It’s all about becoming the best possible version of yourself when striking out, looking for someone new.

Far too many singles are what I’d classify as ‘difficult to date’ and that doesn’t have to be the case for you! You can try usable, straightforward tips to take you forward in 2021. 

Here are the first of my top tips: 

Re-do Your Romantic Checklist  

Okay, maybe you don’t have an actual checklist but you probably have a mental checklist. The things a potential partner supposedly must have before you’d date them. Is it as long as your arm? 

Please do become more aware of unnecessary things like he or she must be over a certain height. Definitely keep the important things on your list like hoping they have a good sense of humour and that they’re respectful. But kick off the New Year by dumping those frivolous and shallow things like your hair color preferences. 

In a nutshell, those who are the most ‘dateable’ have a positive attitude to potential partners that’s also realistic. 

Be Prepared

Despite being in a tier system or even locked down, you never know when you might meet a Mr/Ms Potential. Always be ready with a smile when, for example, walking your dog in the park or even when you’re wearing a mask in your local shop. People can still read what your eyes are saying - a smile shows through them. 

Of course, you have to be safe about meeting someone who might live locally to you. But it’s like the old-fashioned, pre-covid days when you might go to a pub, a gig, an event, and take someone’s phone number. 

Believe In You

I’ll never get fed up with saying this in my columns and it’s crucial for 2021 to build your self-belief. You know when you look at someone and you think they look shy or anxious, etc.? You make that judgement because you read their body language. It’s the same with you. 

If you go out, or go online, thinking you’ll never meet someone, and that no one’s going to be interested, doubting you’re even worthy of love, people ‘read’ that. That’s because your general vibe plus your body language/behaviour reveals your inner thoughts.

Begin to build it by holding firmly in mind the three reasons why you’re a ‘catch’. Think about what your loved ones value in you. Remind yourself of those qualities. 

Your Dating Vibe

A step on from raising your self-belief is thinking about your general dating-vibe - for instance, is it over-keen or intense? That can make others feel uneasy. Or is it very laid back and maybe even disinterested? That can equally make people wonder what you’re about. 

The balance you want to strike is friendly, a bit flirty and interested in her or him. Think back to when you’ve first met people before - try to picture yourself and how you come across. Try to be honest with yourself about how you can be more relaxed, or the reverse, and be more attentive.

Switch Off Shyness

Many people I’ve provided dating coaching for say they become shy when they find a person attractive. The easiest trick is to switch off your own shyness by switching the spotlight onto them. 

Ask them straightforward questions – you don’t have to be a fantastic conversationalist – just interested. Let’s say you’ve met someone online and you’re chatting online - have three areas ready to ask about – maybe the music they’re listening to, any good films/TV they’ve seen, reminiscing about the last time you saw live music, etc. 

More tips for recharging your dating-self next week.

In the meantime, happy dating, Pam x

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