Ready to Date Again? - Here's Our Tips (Pt 2)

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Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (@drpamspurr on Instagram and Twitter) shares her second round of tips on how to figure out if your new partner is right for you.

In my last column I tackled five top tips to get you feeling confident after all the messy feelings that go along with a major breakup.

Here are the next set of tips to help you on your way to finding someone new!

Dating Again tip No. 6: The revealing things they say about exes 

Watch for five key, negative things that new person might say about exes - it tells you loads about them as a potential partner for you. 1. It was always the other person’s fault – this reflects that this person takes little responsibility in relationships. 2. They say they “can’t trust again” - this might flag up commitment issues. 3. They say that “relationships always hurt” – reflecting that they’ve become negative, impacting on how they relate.

Dating Again tip No. 7: Beware of trying to recreate your old life 

FACT: No two relationships are the same yet many who've had a committed relationship subconsciously try to recreate it. Especially if they didn’t want the breakup or divorce to happen. Crucial to never go into dating hoping to find a replacement partner or to recreate your old relationship. Successful dating depends on meeting a new person and accepting them for who they are and what they offer.

Dating Again tip No. 8: Sex as a newly single 

Never let go of the fact that you’re an adult and can decide when you want sex. Don’t feel pressured to rush sex and wait until you feel confident about who you go to bed with. It’s crucial to also be aware of having sex out of loneliness. You just want to feel someone’s arms around you. Problem is, if you don’t know them well, you don’t know if they will stick around if you want to develop a relationship with them.

Dating Again tip No. 9: Dust off your dating confidence 

Make it a daily practice to do something new to increase self-belief. It can be simple things like going somewhere new for lunch breaks or joining an evening class. Also remind yourself daily of the best qualities you offer. And stop that little devil on your shoulder when it says, "No one will be attracted to me," substitute with a positive like, "there are many reasons why someone would be lucky to have me!"

Dating Again tip No. 10: Keep your children out of your new relationship 

If you have children don’t rush introducing them to every person you date. A revolving-door policy – where you bring home the ‘date-of-the-week’ – isn't emotionally healthy. Even if you really like someone after a time, resist bringing them home. Make sure your new love is on solid ground because otherwise it's surprising how quickly, especially younger children, form new bonds. They will be hurt if it falls apart.

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

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