Quiz: How strong is your sexual communication?

You’d be surprised how quickly a very new relationship can come unstuck over issues in the bedroom. Sexual communication – how good you are or how poor you are at it – is often the key. With good sexual communication you can rescue a new relationship that has stumbled at the bedroom door.

Take my quick quiz but answers must be completely honest:

1)   It's a new thing, how do you feel asking for what you want in bed?

A. Very confident - if you don't ask you don't get

B. Sometimes confident - depends on the person and circumstances

C. Not confident - it's embarrassing asking for what I want

2)  Be honest, how often have you faked it? (NB men fake too!)

A. Never/rarely - better to make it work than fake it

B. Sometimes - feel embarrassed or I don't want to hurt their feelings

C. Loads of times - it's just easier to fake it

3) Things are getting a bit boring, how likely are you to suggest a new technique?

A. Very happy suggesting or just doing something new

B. If the mood’s right I'd suggest something new

C. I'd never suggest anything new

4. Should a long-term partner ‘know’ what you want?

A. No, none of us are mind-readers and preferences change

B. They should pretty much know

C. Of course they should know what I want 

5. Crikey, they’ve asked you about masturbation - how do you handle it?

A.   Happy to be honest with them

B.   I'd open up with encouragement

C.  I’d be mortified

6. How would you take it if they hinted you weren't doing something ‘right’ in bed?

A. I'd want to know if a technique isn't doing it for them

B. I'd be embarrassed if I didn't know them well

C. It'd completely knock my confidence

7. Their sex drive seems to have gone off the boil - how would you handle it?

A. I'd be tactful and begin with the basics – are they stressed, tired, etc.

B. I'd worry I wasn't turning them on

C. I'd be angry and find it hard to discuss 

8. What would your reaction be if they suggested a kinky role-play?

A. I'd be happy to consider their suggestions  

B. I'd feel nervous

C. I'd probably die of embarrassment

9. After sex do you usually feel -

A. Satisfied, it's been a good/great experience

B. It varies between feeling good and feeling disappointed

C. Dissatisfied – I’m often left feeling what's the point?

10. What approach would you take to sharing your sexual fantasies?

A. Definitely a red hot and sexy approach

B. With lots of encouragement I might share fantasies

C. I find it pretty impossible to open up about fantasies

Mainly As: Sky high sexual communication –

You understand sexual relationships [flings or long-term] are complicated things needing openness, honesty and sensitivity and the willingness to sex-periment – so you have a fantastic starting point for communication. You know that sexual confidence and tact will make sure both of you are satisfied. Think through any of your ‘B’ & ‘C’ answers and look at the advice below. 

Mainly Bs: Some sexual communication – 

You know sexual communication is important but sometimes let inhibitions or a lack of confidence prevent you developing more sexual confidence. Begin by remembering that they’re probably as nervous as you are. Some people fret about their bodies in bed - start visualising yourself as a whole person and not just your body. Every day talk up your good points. Try communicating more strongly in other parts of your relationship. Look at each ‘B’ and ‘C’ answers and think through how you could approach those situations more positively.

Mainly Cs: Sadly lacking in sexual communication –

Lack of sexual communication holds you back in relationships. This is usually about low sexual - and also general - confidence. First think through where insecure feelings come from, e.g., had a bad experience in bed or are you generally insecure? Maybe your family had negative attitudes about sex like that it's ‘dirty’. You're an adult now and have the right to feel good about yourself and having a good sex life. Take small steps to boost general confidence - set small goals and praise yourself when you reach them. Be aware of your good attributes and enhance those. Start asking for what you want in bed. Make this easier by asking a partner what they want and then it's your turn to say what you want. Definitely stand up for yourself and if something doesn't feel right, set your boundaries.

Good luck, Pam x

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