Losing Friends To New Relationships

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Is your friend's new relationship putting a strain on your friendship? Here's the signs to look out for...

Even the best of friends sees their friendship change when one person gets in a relationship. There’s less catchups, texts and calls, and every conversation seems to revolve around their new partner. 

Losing a friend or the friendship you once knew can be disheartening. You’re both in two different phases of your life and maintaining several relationships can become difficult. Once you notice the signs that your friendship might be deteriorating, you can fix it.

Here’s the most common signs to look out for:

Communication decreases between you both:

If your levels of communication changes drastically e.g. From texting everyday to getting lucky if they even reply to a text, it’s a sign that someone else is taking up their time. If they’ve often shared how their day is with you and now that they’ve got a partner, they may choose to share this with them instead.

How To Fix: Don’t be afraid to send the first message. If they’re normally the one to send you a message first, it’s your chance to show them that you’re thinking of them too. Start by sharing a part of your day, something that reminded you of them and then lead onto other questions e.g. ask “Do you want to catch up on the weekend?”, which may require some thought on their part. It’s easing them into a conversation without adding pressure for an answer.  

Most conversations revolve around their new partner:

No matter what topic you guys talk about, do they always find a way to bring their partner into the conversation? This is a sign they are infatuated with their new partner. They may not realise they are doing it and can become defensive if you point it out to them directly. 

How To Fix it: When they do bring up their partner, do listen but steer the conversation away to something wider. It can be about the setting, something you saw on the news or on social media and see if they’re able to follow. Usually this phase tends to fix itself over time.

They try to force you to date even if you’re content on being single

Once your friend is coupled up, they often get the urge to play matchmaker for you, even if you’re happy being single. Here is where you weigh up whether your friend will help or hinder your dating life. If you don’t have the time to date but are still interested, having a wingman or wingwoman find you someone compatible might be easier. 

How to fix it: If you’re choosing to focus on yourself and your career and don’t want to emotionally invest in a person right now, your friend needs to hear that. Priorities are different for everyone and they need to realise that.

They become defensive over their new partner 

They share every detail of their relationship with you and when you point out a red flag to them, do they become defensive? They may feel like you’re trying to fray at their new-found happiness when really you’re looking out for them. It may seem they’re valuing their relationship over your friendship but this may not be the case.

How to fix it: It’s likely they are caught up in their new romance, give it a few weeks and try approaching the subject again. Ultimately, it is their choice to listen to your advice or not. 

They no longer have time to catch up or ask how you’re really doing

If you’ve finally got a chance to meet up with your friend and they spend the whole time talking about their life and not asking about yours, that’s a sign your friendship seems to be one-sided. 

How to fix it - Don’t be afraid to bring up what’s been happening in your life recently instead of waiting for them to ask. Helping navigate the conversation can also prompt your friend to ask questions back. 

Friendship much like any other relationship, is about effort, commitment and trust from  both parties. If you’re the only one making consistent efforts, it may be time to re-evaluate your friendship. 

Want to help your single friend find love? Download Wingman app and matchmake your friends.

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