Is That Rebound Relationship Bound To Fail?
Relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr (On Twitter @drpamspurr) helps you avoid the common rebound pitfalls and problems.
As Love Island fever seems to be running on and on, many on social media are discussing which couple will last and which will break up. The Love Island mentality of a quick turnover in relationships means there is even more scope for jumping into a rebound situation. Some research suggests that men are more likely to jump straight into another relationship, rather than stay single.
If you find yourself dating a man who's recently come out of a breakup then keep your eyes wide open.
Check out these six rebound rules to give your new romance the best chance:
Rebound Rule No. 1: Is he too into you?
It seems like a dream come true - he can't get enough of you and wants to spend loads of time together even though it's early days. Beware - it might be that despite the breakup, he's missing the 24/7 TLC he used to get in his relationship.
It means he's like an emotional sponge that'll suck everything out of you and may not end up giving you much back. Take charge of the pace of how serious you get and how quickly.
Rebound Rule No. 2: Does his heart still belong to her?
So you excused the fact there are a couple old photos of her lying on his desk. And you noticed there a few things of hers hanging in the closet. You excuse it thinking he hasn't had time to pack these things away or send them back to her.
Proceed with caution because when he still has her personal effects that he doesn't seem inclined to get rid of, it maybe he has a strong emotional attachment to them... and to her! When you feel confident casually ask why he doesn't send these things back.
Rebound Rule No. 3: How much does she feature in his conversations?
He might have cleared the rest of her things out but how much does she pop up in random chats? Occasional reference to an ex-partner is normal. But it signals he's rebound material if he just can't help himself and she crops up in many ways.
You two are sitting in a restaurant and he mentions her culinary likes and dislikes. You go see a film and he mentions the ones she did/didn't like, etc. If she's featuring that much in chats then she's probably featuring even more in his thoughts. Definitely let him know you don't like hearing about her in this way. Remind him as often as necessary.
Rebound Rule No. 4: He calls her name
There can hardly be anything worse than a man calling out his ex-partner's name in the middle of sex. Funnily enough, our use of someone's name - like a long term partner - becomes a habit. Their name is literally ‘programmed’ to the tip of our tongue. It's not surprising her name might slip out in moments of excitement because of this.
In reality it's not the worst of the rebound rules to watch out for... unless it happens more than once. One ghastly, embarrassing moment will cure him of calling out her name in the future. But if he does so again it's not a good sign. You won't have to say anything - he'll be profusely apologising if he does this.
Rebound Rule No. 5: The kid-factor
If he has children - and you've got a big heart - it can be a wonderful thing to become a stepmother [I've been there]. However, some men are desperately seeking the new "Mummy Mock 2" for their children. If he wants you to dive in and get involved with his children explain that you'd love to at the right time. Make this a very gradual process so their well-being comes first.
Rebound Rule No. 6: Mind the statistics!
Relationship research shows that 90% of first relationships after a breakup fall apart - and often quite quickly. So if you're girlfriend ‘No. 1’ post-breakup, statistics say you've only got a 1 in 10 chance of staying together.
Keep this in mind if things seem to get a bit rocky. Your best bet is to deal with issues as-and-when they come up and definitely don't sweep them under the carpet.
Listen to Dr Pam’s podcast here: https://bit.ly/2JFPjBU
Find her on Twitter @drpamspurr and her website www.drpam.co.uk
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Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash