Is it just about the sex?
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) gives us the signs to look out for if you're in a casual relationship.
Obviously, singles have a whole range of things they’re looking for and no two singles are looking for exactly the same thing. But one thing that can be crucial for many singles is sex and whether or not they simply want a sexual fling.
Although some singles might be up for sex, they also want more than that in the long run. This can be tricky territory to negotiate because you never know for certain what that person, that you’ve just met, is looking for.
There is the age-old “rule” that if you want more than sex then you shouldn’t have sex straightaway. If you do have sex straight away it leaves you open to them moving on when you might’ve been hoping for more.
Negotiating this territory, especially when you’ve met someone you’re really attracted to, can be tricky. Let’s say you decide to have sex with them within the first handful of dates. You hope more is going to develop and it seems like it might do because he or she are still around. Inside you hope that maybe they’re looking for something similar to you!
Whether you’re happy to have sex on the first date or prefer waiting for full commitment it’s important to get the relationship you want. And how to discuss these things is for another Wingman column.
Instead, today I’d like to look at the signs that it is “just sex” for that person you’re seeing. And if you want more than that, then you probably should explore with them what they want from this new thing with you.
Six Signs It’s Just Sex for Them:
*No matter what you two always end up in bed. You could have met for a drink, coffee, a film but sex always follows.
*They seem pretty insatiable - the clue is in the fact that they always expect sex no matter what you two have been doing.
*You’re face-timing or messaging and they always turn it to sexual chat.
*They don’t seem at all interested in having both of your social/friendship groups overlap. They just want to see you and not involve friends.
*When together they’re always telling you how sexy you look, how sexy they feel, etc.
*They don’t hang around after spending the night. They get out the door and go do their own thing.
If this is working for you then that’s great. If, though, you keep thinking that it’s all about sex with them – and you would like more – than this probably is not for you!
Sure, you can have a chat with them about what they’re looking for. They might tell you that they’re looking for a relationship but if their behaviour is all about sex then that is your answer.
Happy dating, look after yourself!
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Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
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