How To Handle Being Single
Your guide on how not to self-destruct.
Life and love are dynamic - they change. Things don't remain static, i.e. you’re always changing even if you don't recognise it and those you meet are changing too. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to take all that you've learned - and all that you're going to learn - and remember it’s part of an ongoing process to enhance your life and find love too.
Hang on to your new outlook!
It's very often the case when we're learning about ourselves that we take a step forward and then a couple steps backwards. It's quite natural to suddenly feel a little more confident around people you like, decide to chat with them, find they’re not interested and to feel your new-found confidence start to crumble. How to stop this happening?
Here's a couple tips:
* From now on when you experience a little setback or find one of life's hurdles a bit challenging remind yourself that previously you might not have put yourself in this situation - and that's a huge positive! Keep telling yourself you’re in new and different situations and there's bound to be ones that are more daunting than others.
* Force yourself to think of the good that's come out of the setback or knock back. For example, the person you chatted up at the bar you decided to go to may not have fancied you back, but at least you're going out instead of staying in! There’s a silver lining to every cloud if you're prepared to see it.
Make sure you’re doing regular personal and love MOTs
Forward plan in your diary every two months to take an hour out for evaluating how your life generally is going and whether you are happy being single. Put these dates in now and stick to them (unless some fabulous opportunity arises – remember to keep flexible!). Ask yourself these important questions - which area of your life are you happiest with? Which area are you least happiest with? How much are you doing to get out there and meet new people? If you've had any dates - have they been happy or unhappy experiences - and why?
To keep yourself feeling good and worthy of a wonderful relationship, be nice to yourself.
* Treat yourself occasionally to something you like – Whether it’s your favourite food, clothing or activity, do something that will make you happy.
* Set up a reminder for yourself to tell you how wonderful you are! You don't have to wait for someone else to tell you this.
* Learn to say NO to something you don't really want to do – You are in control of your own decisions.
Continue to challenge yourself up in small ways!
Just because you're making strides in opening up how you feel, where you go, who you meet, don't get complacent. Dream up a little challenge every week or two to keep you out of that comfort zone. For example, take yourself out for dinner or lunch on your own to continue developing your self-reliance.
Where's the love of your life going to be hanging out?
Picking and choosing dating venues is worth consideration. By now you realise that looking for love should be fun and enjoyable as well as taking you to new places emotionally and where you actually go. Also, your time is precious and you should consider how to use it wisely. With this in mind it's time to think more closely about where you go to meet people:
* While keeping your mind open about the people you meet, if you know you go for a more quiet, thoughtful person, you’re unlikely to find them in a nightclub. Nightclubs are great places to have fun but are not particularly good for finding love! Putting just a little thought into the venues you select will save you time and energy.
* It's the same for Singles events - think about what you want out of an event. Some are great just for the experience - like speed dating. You have to think on your feet and put your best foot forward to have a positive experience. However, if you relied completely on speed dating events (and there are plenty to choose from) this would stop you from meeting people in more natural settings.
* Once you've experienced various single events you'll probably have a good idea of the things you thrive at. Do more of those and occasionally put yourself in a different type of event and you'll have a good balance.
* Practice makes perfect - the more you go to events and other experiences, the better you'll get at chatting with people!
What are friends and family for?
Some research suggests that you're more likely to meet a long-term partner through an introduction from a mutual friend/family member than in any other way. Other research says you're more likely to meet them at your place of work. I say keep your eyes open at work (while knowing their policy about relationships and sticking to it) and let friends and family know you’re up for dating.
Sometimes the people who care about you, feel embarrassed about suggesting that you may not be happy on your own. They might be concerned that if they make an introduction, that if it doesn't work out, you'll blame them. If you let friends and family know you’re more than happy to have introductions come your way - and that you'll approach them with an attitude of having fun and looking for friendship rather than love (even if you are!) - you'll take the pressure off them. And you'll get those introductions!
Originally posted on Dr Pam Spurr’s blog
Dr Pam’s podcast Wham Bam It’s Dr Pam is available here: http://bit.do/eSHsh
Find her on Twitter @drpamspurr and at www.drpam.co.uk
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