How to Get Back into Dating after a Long-Term Relationship

It can be daunting to think about dating after a long-term relationship has broken down. One survey found over 70% of people, who had gone through major breakup, felt very nervous about getting back out there. 

At some point you need to get going and try dating again. Without taking that risk, you won’t know what you might be missing.

The following are a handful of top tips for dating again:

*Listen to your intuition. Let’s say you’ve gone on a dating app like the wonderful Wingman. You match with someone but then they say something that makes you feel uncomfortable. This is not the time to feel uncomfortable around someone. This is the time to say to yourself: this isn’t the person for me. And move on.

*Having mentioned “moving on”, don’t feel guilty! Big break-ups can make us feel we don’t have any control. Even if the breakup was your choice, you didn’t take the choice to break up from a happy place. You would have been in an unhappy place. 

Having met countless singles, I know guilt plays a huge part in them feeling they must take whatever is on offer. 

Scratch that thought, you can move on as many times as you want to, if things don’t feel right with someone new.

*No point in trying to make the new into something old! It’s surprising how many singles, who have come out of an unhappy breakup, still look to create the same relationship again.

It’s important when you’re getting to know someone new, that you embrace new things with them. Don’t try and get them to help you recreate your old life. Your old life is gone and you have a new one to look forward to.

*Stay in control when it comes to sex! I’d be rich if I had a pound for every time a newly single lamented the fact that they jumped into bed with someone new and it was a bad experience. And it could’ve been a bad experience for many reasons - the person just wanted sex when you wanted more, it was really bad sex because you didn’t have the confidence to say what you like in bed, and so on.

The simple way to avoid regrets is to only have sex when you feel confident and in control about the situation. If you’re feeling pressure from that new person, they aren’t the right person for you!

* Work on your basic confidence! Your dating confidence is part of your general confidence. So the more confident you feel generally, the better for getting out dating again. On a daily basis, challenge yourself to do new things. They just have to be small but they have to be different. Break out of your routine, try new places and new activities. Slowly you will find that you’re feeling good about yourself. When you feel good inside, that’s when you attract worthy people.

Good luck and happy dating! x

Sign up now with your wingman by downloading the Wingman app in the App store and Google Play store. Available in the US and UK for IOS and Android devices.

Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk

If there are any little ones in your life, Dr Pam’s first children’s story book is out now: http://tinyurl.com/36y3xr6n

Photo by Jonathan Leppan on Unsplash

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash