How To Boost Your Sexual Confidence

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Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (on Twitter @drpamspurr) gives us her tips on how to raise your bedroom brilliance.

Having a healthy level of sexual confidence is crucial to having great sex. Low self-confidence means you’re unlikely to ask for what you want. Or to feel happy asking what your new partner wants. 

Here are some tips for your bedroom well-being:

*Sexual confidence is definitely mixed up with general confidence. Make it a daily habit to boost your confidence by valuing yourself and ‘talking yourself up’.

*Challenge your negative inner voice - the devil on your shoulder - that criticises you. It doesn't mean you're vain to tell yourself things like you're pretty darn hot in bed and a fantastic person.  

*Definitely challenge any negative feelings you were given about sex from the way your parents raised you – maybe suggesting sex was ‘dirty’. You’re an adult now and can enjoy adult pleasure. 

*Write down your three best qualities where you’ll see them daily – e.g., you have a GSOH, you’re fun, you’re a catch.

*Practice expressing yourself so you can express yourself in bed. Make a point to express what you think about the TV programme everyone’s talking, that hot new band, what’s going on in the world, etc. 

* Do something that takes you out of your comfort zone - after you embrace the fear it boosts your general confidence. 

*Go shopping for sexy things that make you feel confident (once quarantine is over). Try things on and choose what you feel hot in. Have fun doing this with your friends.

*If you try something like a lap dancing or strip class (after lockdown’s over with) it'll probably put you in the mood for some fantasy chat about giving him a lap dance. When you’re ready (as your sex life with him develops), describe to him being a stripper in a club. He’s a handsome client that asks you for ‘extras’, etc. You'll be amazed how fantasy-chat boosts bedroom confidence.

* Devise your own super-hot ‘signature sex technique’ - this is where you perfect a technique like doing a little trick during oral sex - guaranteed pleasure for them! 

*Be prepared to take a technique you do well, to a more daring level. Let's say they like the way you stroke their bottom during foreplay. Why not ask if you can give it a cheeky little slap in between stroking it?

*Praise each other's efforts in the bedroom. If they do anything right, let them know.

*If your partner doesn't give praise easily, ask them for compliments. Let them know you’d appreciate it.

*When with someone new ask what they like from caressing them all down his/her body to their favourite sex position. Then confidently say exactly how you like to be touched and teased.

*Outside the bedroom keep the praise and compliments coming - they're like water to a flower helping confidence grow.

*Go for lots of flirting that boosts sexual confidence - a hot phone call or sexy messaging puts a spring in your step. 

*Think about your wider environment and making it more sensual. You can set up a ‘love zone’ in your bedroom that'll boost the way you feel.

*Get physical showing them what you like. For example, if they aren’t kissing/sucking your erogenous zones how you like, take their fingertip and run your tongue around it saying you’d love it if they used that pressure on hot-zones.

* Tease, tease and finally please them. As you see their sexual tension increase it boosts your confidence knowing how much they want you. 

Always play safe with condoms!

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