How to avoid Ghosting someone
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) gives us her tips on how to let down a date you're no longer interested in.
Ghosting has been around for as long as people have dated. You know, when someone decides after either after many calls or actually meeting up a few times, that they’re not interested and they’re not going to bother to tell you that. #Harsh!
Before everyone was connecting online, ghosting was about the man or woman who didn’t call back when they said they would. And in extreme cases, a man or woman who didn’t show up for that next date. Leaving you feeling like a right lemon sitting alone in the bar or restaurant.
Why do people ghost? Four key reasons include not feeling comfortable upsetting the person they’ve been chatting to or maybe have seen a couple times. Wrongly assuming the other person is not interested. They figure it’s very early days so they wrongly think it doesn’t matter stop And finally, not caring about the person’s feelings.
The positive thing about actually telling someone, that you don’t think you’ll take it any further, is that you learn how to navigate and negotiate tricky conversations. That’s a positive for anyone and in so many different circumstances those skills are useful.
Even if you think it’s such early days that you don’t owe them a message or a call, think again. You just might be correct and may feel exactly the same way but the majority of singles will want some sort of explanation.
Here are three top tips to help you let them down:
*Keep it simple and be genuine. If you’re simply too busy to get involved, you don’t feel the chemistry is right, or if they’re too focused on, for example, their hobbies or their work, put that in your explanation.
For instance, you can say things like: I’ve enjoyed our chats but you’re such a busy person and I’m looking for someone with more free time.
*Don’t confuse them by gushing about how amazing they are and how much fun you’ve been having - only then to tell them something like the above. You can be polite, as I said above, but don’t go over the top praising them.
*If they say they can change whatever is, for instance, their long work hours, again you need to answer honestly. You might not want that pressure of them changing their life – for you - so soon after meeting.
Again, it’s about keeping positive and letting them know that you don’t want to be put in that position.
Good luck and happy dating x
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