Good Mental Health Means Good Dating
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) gives us five top tips to improve our mental health.
During the recent Mental Health Awareness week, I had a number of singles contact my website. Many feel depressed or anxious that they’re still single even though they’ve been on the dating scene for a long time. And many were struggling with mental health issues and wondered if that might be affecting their chances.
I can’t stress how a good foundation for emotionally healthy and happy dating relies on good mental health. If you’re feeling depressed, anxious, obsessed about something, lonely, or other types of difficult feelings, it jeopardises meeting others in a couple of key ways. First off, if you’re not feeling your best then you can’t put your best foot forward. Secondly, even if you put on a façade of positivity, many other singles will read through the lines and can tell you might be struggling.
We all have struggles but we want to attract the right people! We certainly don’t want to attract someone who wants to take advantage of our vulnerabilities.
Here are five top tips to bump up your mental health:
1) DAILY HABIT - make it a daily habit to ask yourself: what do I need most today? For example, do you need to make a deadline? Get structuring your time so that step-by-step you can finish it. Do you need time-out today? Structure a 20 minute walk with your phone off, away from it all. Or 20 minutes of doing what gives you peace of mind. It’s important to think about what “will be best for me today?” when it comes to balancing responsibilities with self-care.
2) MIND THAT DEVIL - beware of that negative internal voice, that devil on your shoulder, that tells you that you’re not good enough, you won’t succeed, you won’t find anyone, and on and on and on! Recognise it and challenge it. Switch to a little angel on your shoulder that tells you, for example, that things might be tough but you will manage! And other soothing thoughts.
3) TIME OUT FROM TECH - you might be signed up with Wingman app and that’s great but everyone needs time out from tech. It really impacts our brain which has developed over time to be stimulated in a variety of ways including by the great outdoors. It’s crucial to switch off tech at least a couple of times a day to give your brain a rest. This will definitely improve your mental outlook. And if you find you’re fighting yourself and just want to look at your phone then you know you need to do this even more!
4) THE FUTURE CAN WAIT - it’s important to recognise what I call future-dependent thinking. This is the kind of thinking that goes like this: when I get a partner things will be better, when I get that promotion I’ll feel satisfied, when I get a better flat life will be great, etc. Yes, we should all have goals. We should have plans to meet those goals. But we also need to cherish and acknowledge what we already have in our life every day. Otherwise you miss so many moments of happiness.
5) TOXIC PEOPLE CAN GO IN THE BIN - it’s obvious that toxic people crush our well-being! They zap vital energy and emotional strength. It’s time to recognise how much damage toxic people do. For example, do you have a so-called friend who actually makes you feel worse when you see them? Do you have a boss that always ridicules you? Do you have a family member that makes your life difficult?
Of course, you can’t literally walk away from a job. However, you can learn to set your boundaries. You can confidently and still politely tackle your boss about feeling undermined. You probably can’t dump a family member and sometimes you can’t dump a friend who may be in the same friendship circle. But again, you can set your boundaries and let them know you won’t let them undermine or gaslight you anymore.
Happy dating, look after yourself!
Sign up now with your wingman by downloading the Wingman app in the App store and Google Play store. Available in the US and UK for IOS and Android devices.
Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php
