Don’t be their rebound relationship!

It happens all the time, you’re dating and you come across someone who has just come out of a major breakup. Most people wonder things like: are they ready to date? Do they still have feelings for their ex? Despite such worries, they usually give that person the benefit of the doubt.

That is a positive way forward. However, so that you don’t get caught out and end up as their “rebound relationship”, it’s wise to keep an eye open for some key things. These will tell you that they’re not ready to be in a relationship. And that you might end up as their rebound who gets the elbow quite quickly.

Watch for the following five key signs –

*They blame the entire breakup on their ex - this is definitely not a good look. It says that he or she doesn’t accept any responsibility for their part in the breakup. It can leave them very angry and not focusing on the here and now. 

*They say things like they’re finding it hard to “trust again” - this gives them a get out-clause from getting into anything bordering on the serious. If you don’t want a serious relationship that’s fine. But otherwise, this ‘self-protection’, defence mechanism means they won’t give their all to a developing relationship.

*He/she says things like they tend to always make “bad choices” - beware of this as it flags up a pessimistic view of love. And no matter how fabulous and wonderful you are, subconsciously they anticipate that you could be yet another “bad choice”.

*Similarly, if they say things like “love always hurts” and it’s no surprise that their breakup was painful, it’s best to be a bit guarded. Again, it reveals that they’ve lost optimism about love and this view will negatively impact how they go forward with someone new like you. 

*He/she says they regret having been with their exes - this demonstrates an emotionally immature view of previous relationships. 99% of people have had a so-called “bad ex” that they regret. But if they claim all of their exes were bad, either they’re really bad at making choices. Or they’re really bad at seeing the good things in past relationships. Either way, such negativity isn’t great for a new relationship. We’ve all had bad exes, you can’t just wish them away. But with time you can usually see that you learnt something from them or some other positive.

Good luck, beware of being a rebound, and happy dating, Pam x

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