Does that new person drink too much?
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) talks us through the signs your partner loves to drink too much.
We have a funny relationship with alcohol in our culture. On the one hand, you’re seen as boring and no fun if you don’t drink. On the other hand, we get constant messages about how bad it is to drink too much.
It makes it tricky when you’re dating someone new to figure out what their relationship with alcohol is. It’s also a very touchy subject and after a couple of dates, if you think that new person drinks too much, it can be very uncomfortable raising it. It doesn’t feel like it’s your business yet.
The big question is: do you want to take on someone new who has a drink problem? It’s one thing if someone has got on top of excess drinking, they’re probably a very good bet! They recognised they had a problem and they worked to sort it out. Those skills are fantastic for facing other challenges like in a new relationship.
But, if on the first few dates, it seems like alcohol plays a big part in their life, tread carefully. Here are a couple signs he or she is drinking too much:
*There is always alcohol involved when you meet up. They always have a drink on the go.
*Much of their conversation is about the hijinks they’ve experienced when they’ve been drinking. They regale you with many tales based around alcohol.
*You get wind that they like starting early with their drinking. This is a major warning sign.
It's an upsetting realisation when you can tell that someone you’re attracted to, actually is drinking too much. You care so much about this new person and you hope that maybe you’re imagining it.
Please don’t become an enabler. And don’t tell yourself things like that you’re blowing this out of proportion. Your intuition has told you that something is up with alcohol so please trust it.
As with any drink issue, the person must accept they have a problem before they can truly deal with it. You cannot come to that realisation for them.
You can put things to a test and suggest an activity where alcohol is not involved. If they’re happy to join in that’s a good sign. If the minute the activity is done and they suggest going to the pub, that’s a bad sign.
It’s important that you keep a clear head when assessing someone new in your life, and whether or not they have a drink problem.
If they can’t manage to see you without alcohol involved, it could be a very good choice to move on. If you’re already smitten it’s crucial that you raise it with them. Otherwise, the basis of this new, fledgling relationship is on very shaky ground indeed.
With the New Year, it’s crucial you do things that are healthy for you as a single, looking for love.
Good luck and happy dating x
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