Do you really need a partner in your life right now?
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares her tips on when to avoid jumping into a relationship.
In my date coaching work, I often talk to singles who think they “need” someone in their life but when we actually look at their life, it’s a case of bad timing.
In this situation, they often report short-lived dating experiences where they have four or five dates and it fizzles out. Or they have a string of one or two dates, and again, things don’t work out.
There are usually three top reasons why it’s not a good point in your life to look for someone new.
Here are what you should be thinking about if this is your dating-situation:
You’re about to move home or you’ve just moved home
This is an incredibly stressful time. When it comes to people in relationships, moving house is as likely to break you up as an affair!
Don’t underestimate how much stress you are under during such a big life change. Many singles tell me that they want to share their new place with someone new but until you’re truly settled, this is not a good time to date. Far better to get yourself settled in your new nest. And to get past all the stress involved in such changes. Then get back out there with a solid springboard of feeling settled and happy.
You’re feeling lonely and maybe even isolated
If you’re feeling lonely, maybe to the point of feeling very isolated, it might seem like this is the perfect time to meet someone. Scratch that thought as this is when you need to build up your self-belief and self-worth. This is not when you need to get into a relationship! You may well only attract people who want someone vulnerable.
To help combat lonely feelings, dig deep and reach out to acquaintances from work or at your gym, etc. Start valuing yourself by reminding yourself of all the good points about your personality.
Join some hobby groups or take up something like dancing. Anything that makes you feel that you’re getting back out there. And when the feelings of loneliness and/or isolation start to leave, that’s when you’re ready to look for someone.
You’ve come out of a serious relationship in the last six months
Many “newly” singles don’t realise the lasting impact of a big breakup. They often bury difficult feelings that arise from the breakup - things like self-doubt and whether they are “good enough” to be loved. Or they might be harbouring lots of anger about their ex and yet they fail to acknowledge this.
Everyone needs a good six months to go through a healing process. This is not when you need a new person with new feelings emerging in your heart! This only complicates the healing process.
Good luck and happy dating, Pam x
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Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php
