Do You Have An Unromantic Partner?

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Our relationship expert, Dr Pam Spurr (on Twitter @drpamspurr) gives us a few tips on how to coax some romance out of a new partner.

You’ve met someone new, they have some amazing qualities but when it comes to romance, they’re as romantic as an old sock. It happens to more people than you’d realise. And even if someone starts out romantic, one survey found for many couples that romance is dead after the six-month mark. 

And I hate to bring gender into it but a whopping 40% of women had never even had as much as a romantic text from their new man.

It can be hard to handle when you’re really into someone new – or you’ve been together a while – but they just don’t get how romance is the icing on the cake.

Here’s how to squeeze some romance from an unromantic partner (please note, this goes both ways because I’ve had men who love a bit of romance, complain about unromantic partners):

Lead by your behaviour - If you act romantically, making small gestures, they’ll hopefully get the message. Subconsciously they absorb the fact that you’re regularly making these gestures.

Make a big deal when they do something even mildly romantic – If they give you a loving compliment, tell them how much it means to you and how you love it when they compliment you.

Plant some romance-seeds - Don’t shy away from a healthy dose of hinting. If you have a birthday coming up there’s nothing wrong with this! When out together - and, for example, you happen to pass a restaurant you’ve always wanted to try - seize the moment. Casually point it out and say, “doesn’t that place look great?”

Be savvy, you can also steer them to the restaurants/shops you like.

Put it in their eye line - Be a bit sly and leave magazines open to articles about romance, romantic breaks and relationships. Or your laptop open to a romantic getaway.  

Establish what others get up to - Start mentioning things about other couples. You can casually mention how, for instance, your workmate Mark is planning a special romantic surprise for his girlfriend. Mentioning what other people do can get this new partner thinking about what they can do for you. 

Make small gestures a regular habit – Leave them a little surprise that’s totally random. For instance, gift wrap their favourite chocolate bar along with a loving note. Nothing expensive but definitely something that gives them an ‘awww moment’.

Start the straightforward communication - If they still aren’t showing any signs of romance, be straightforward. Mention how you love their great qualities and how much you appreciate them. Then flag up any even remotely romantic thing they’ve done and say how good that made you feel. Continue by saying how you wondered if you two could build more romance into your budding relationship. 

Here’s to you getting a bit more romance in your life!

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Follow Dr Pam Spurr on Twitter @drpamspurr  and on Instagram @drpamspurr

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