Dating After A Divorce

It’s never easy trying to move on from a long-term relationship, especially if the break-up was unexpected. If it’s been a long time since you’ve been single, chances are the dating landscape has changed drastically since you last left it. 

Here are some things to remember before you jump into the dating pool again:

It’s not a competition

While it may feel like it’s a race to see who’ll find happiness with someone else first, using this as a motivator is only setting yourself up for failure. You’ll end up with someone you’re not 100% sure about, just to feel like you’ve got the upper hand. Acknowledge you’ve decided to part ways and don’t be afraid to let your independency shine. 

Don’t compare your ex to who you date next

If the longest relationship you ever had was with your ex, it would be easy to compare whoever you date next, to them. Why isn’t my current partner more affectionate? Why are they less emotional? These questions are valid, but remember they are not your ex. If you admired those qualities in your previous partner, there’s no problem in looking for that in your next partner, but it’s unfair to push your expectations if it’s just not them.

Enjoy being single

This is your chance to be independent. Whether you felt like most of the time, you were trying to make someone else happy or sacrificing your alone time, being single is your opportunity to enjoy being you. Don’t rush into another relationship even if long commitment is what you want. You’re doing no-one a favour if you still have residual feelings for your ex.

Find out what you really want in your next partner

You’ve grown and so has what you’re looking for. Your ideal partner when you were younger may not necessarily be the same now. You may have learnt what you did and didn’t like from your ex and about yourself so use this to define the compatibility of who you would like to date next. 

Try different methods of dating

Whether its online or offline, ease into dating in a way that you are comfortable with. On the days you’re feeling confident, why not go out with a couple friends to a new bar and see if anyone catches your eye? On days where you’re not ready to face the world, try dating from the comfort of your own home by downloading a dating app or two and see if you can spark up a conversation that way.

Get advice from friends/family on how to move forward

If you’ve neglected relationships while you were in your relationship, this is your chance to get some home truths from those that know you best. Are there any qualities you had that from an outside perspective, is worth changing? There’s always room for improvement so continue working on yourself until you’re ready for another relationship.

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Photo by Akshar Dave on Unsplash