Could that charmer be a sociopath?

With estimates of between one and 4% of the population having the traits of a sociopath, you might just come across one when you’re single and dating.

The problem with sociopaths is that they can turn on the charm when they want to. And they often charm you at the start of your relationship to reel you in.

Once hooked in, you might start noticing that things don’t seem quite right. It’s a feeling in your belly, it’s your instinct and intuition telling you to watch out.

The problem is far too many people ignore their instincts and intuition because things started so well with your very own Prince or Princess Charming. Because, of course there are also female sociopaths. 

The problem with sociopaths is that they have zero regard for your well-being. And even if at first they treated you very well, it’s very unlikely that will last.

When they decide they want more power over you or they want more than just you – and start to, for example, cheat - things will start to change.

Here are the main signs to watch for:

*Liar, liar - a true sociopath is very good at getting out of a tight situation when they’ve been discovered in a lie. If anything, they’ll turn it around on you in the most extraordinary ways. Even telling you that you are crazy for doubting them. Excuses for having lied to you will roll off their tongue as easily as they smile at you. 

*Too much, too soon – I’ve written extensively about people who would do anything to fast forward a relationship. Often, sadly, they’re desperate for love and affection and they seek too much, too soon. This is very different to how sociopaths shower you with attention and wants to spend lots of time messaging, chatting and seeing you. A sociopath can pretend to be very good at listening and that attention is very flattering. Once they are bored with you or want to gain control over you their attitude changes very quickly.

*Reliability? Not for long – where when they start dating you they will be very reliable. And that’s very attractive. But when their plans for you start to change they don’t care about being reliable. Unfortunately, if you have low self esteem, you might accept their excuses and lies for letting you down. 

*They seek out low self esteem - having mentioned low self esteem, a sociopath is great at identifying a potential target who has low self-esteem. They know you will be easier to manipulate down the line whatever their plans are. Whether they want someone for attention, sex and/or money. Or whether they love the thrill of hooking you in and then treating you badly. They know that someone with lower self-esteem is more likely to put up their bad behaviour.

*They can be exciting – because sociopaths are very charming and often are risktakers they make you feel you’re part of something exciting. The risks they take are often calculated and this behaviour makes them seem like they have loads of personal chemistry. Watch out though when they start taking risks too far, and you end up in a bad situation with them. The buzz they generate isn’t always a good buzz!

*You might get concerned at how they treat others – because they seem to really care about you when you’re first dating, you assume there are a good person. Over time ago, you might notice they don’t treat other people very well. They shrug it off when they tell you how they let a colleague down. They ignore phone calls from someone important like their mother and joke about it. You might find them laughing at other’s misfortunes. This is a very bad sign indeed.

Take stock, look after yourself, and don’t fall for a sociopath,

Good luck and happy dating x

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