Banksying!

It's hard to keep up with all the dating trends and dating terminology that singles use. But it's important to do so, so that you're not caught out.

Here's a new one for you: Banksying. This is a recent trend where you slowly withdraw emotionally from a new-ish partner - That you've been dating for a little while - without telling them. This ensures you are completely checked out, emotionally, by the time you actually break up with them.

Quite frankly I see this as a lazy strategy. It’s totally self-serving and really not in the spirit of learning how to communicate with someone new. That communication is crucial for the ups and downs with a new person in your life.

Here are three signs that they might be ‘banksying’ you:

* Have you noticed a gradual decrease in messaging from them? Where once your messaging had built up - as happens with most new relationships after the first few dates - but now you're not getting as many? 

If they haven't said to you something like: “I'm super busy right now at work, so I won't be able to message as much”, it might be that they're starting to emotionally withdraw. 

*Has the momentum that you had going, after your first few dates, seemed to disappeared? Maybe you met one of the initial dating hurdles like meeting each other's friends, but now it's not going any further? This can flag up that they do not want to continue rising to the next hurdles like meeting each other's parents, spending more time at each other's homes, etc.

*Does it feel like the emotional depth of your relationship has stopped increasing? Where on the first few dates, and thereafter, you learned more and more about how they feel about things, etc., now that seems to have stopped. This is another key red flag that you are being banksy'ed.

Let's turn to you. Have you started banksying this new person you've had quite a few dates with? Ask yourself why you want to start withdrawing emotionally before breaking up. Maybe you hate having those conversations where you end a relationship?

This is the time to learn how to have a difficult conversation. Not only is it fair to them but also it's good for you to develop the ability to discuss tricky or even potentially hurtful things. 

You don't have to make a super big deal of wanting to move on from this very new relationship. Choose a good moment where neither of you have had really bad days, like at work. Give them something positive like say you've really enjoyed the dates you've had. Then spell out the reason why you don't see things moving forward. It maybe you've got too much on at work, and you've discovered you just don't have the time to form a proper relationship. Or maybe you both like doing different things with your spare time. Whatever your reason, honesty is pretty much always the best policy. 

Good luck and happy dating x

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