Are you trying to change that new person?
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter @drpamspurr) gives her insight on whether that new person is right for you.
When we first meet someone new we tend to overlook any faults. We usually think that everything about them seems fabulous. These feelings that everything is wonderful is frequently all about the sexual chemistry overriding any rational thinking. We have feel-good chemicals like endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin, coursing through our bodies.
This phase usually lasts for about the first month or so. Although the sexual chemistry continues at a pace for up to 18 months, we start noticing things that annoy or irritate us well before that.
None of us are perfect and we will all be guilty of annoying a new partner in some way or another. However, if you find you're ready, willing and able to dive in quickly and try to start moulding that person to what you see as perfection, you're unlikely to have happy relationships.
Yes, we all need to learn to change behaviours that are detrimental to relationships, or we are prone to having unhappy ones. But these things are always a two-way street - it's not for one new partner to deem they can change these little things about someone new - without looking at their own behaviour.
Here are three key thoughts to consider:
* Are you a perfectionist? Perfectionists are very hard on themselves but can equally be hard on a new partner. At the heart of this is insecurity. You might fear that if a new partner has a slightly annoying ‘thing’ they do, that others will judge you for their behaviour.
Be aware of how you could put pressure on someone who's an essentially a great potential partner, because of your own insecurities.
* Do you like to take on ‘projects’? And these ‘projects’ are also fellow human beings? You need to be careful that this new person may not want to be anyone's project - even a project for the ‘perfect’ you!
Fight the urge to start changing someone new simply because this is a thing you do. Instead learn to relax and work on the things that you might change about yourself for the better.
* Is that new person actually not a worthy person? In other words, do you want to change things like the way they are rude to serving staff when you've been out on your first few dates. Or do they let you down and not turn up on time or not reply to messages for ages?
Then he or she probably isn't a great bet. Have a good think if you really need this in your life, for example, someone who is rude or unreliable. Instead of trying to change them, might be best to move on and find someone who is worthy of you… even if they have a slightly annoying habit or two!
Sign up now with your wingman by downloading the Wingman app in the App store and Google Play store. Available in the US and UK for IOS and Android devices.
Good luck, Happy dating, Pam x
Follow Dr Pam on Twitter @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
If there are any little ones in your life, Dr Pam’s first children’s story book is out now: http://tinyurl.com/36y3xr6n
