Are you ‘Recycle-Dating’?
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter @drpamspurr) shares her tips on when to give things a second chance.
You might not have heard of ‘Recycle-Dating’ - a term I've coined over years of date coaching - but you might be doing it.
Recycle-Dating is where you meet someone on an app like Wingman, or IRL, date for a month or two and then end it. Only to go back a few weeks, or so, later. Then you ‘recycle’ them again when you decide: “no, they're not right for me.”
And you might find you repeat that whole recycling process again. I've seen this happen with some couples ‘recycling’ three or four times before either they stick together or end it for good.
Usually, a couple who end up in ‘recycle-dating’, experience many highs and lows, much passion and even heartache. Such excitement can make it very hard to decide whether this person is good for you – or not. It can be exciting and equally heartbreaking. It makes you want to recycle the experience again and again to help you make up your mind.
Here are three top tips to work out if it's worth ‘recycling’ them again:
* Are you the one - or are they the one - who keeps dropping things only to come back? If it's you, what are your true deep-down concerns with dating them? Are they unreliable, do they not really fit in with your life, are they too much, or do they put in too little effort, and so on?
All of these things are pretty major issues. While you've been dating them have you tried to work the issue out? If you've tried and it's still not working, then maybe you need to move on if it's just something like passionate sex keeping you together.
If they're the one who keeps dropping things with you, then want to try again, have they ever given you an honest reason why they do this? Because if you don't feel you've had honesty from them, this is quite a red flag if you want something long term.
* Can you identify the best aspects of the times you have spent together? Does it involve things that signal compatibility, like sharing the same hobbies? Or does it involve passion, like great sex?
Think carefully about the highlights of the dates you've had and why they've got you stuck in a recycle-dating pattern. If it's something positive that signals true compatibility it might be worth giving it another shot… one more recycle!
If you can't identify something positive - that would be a foundation for a stronger relationship - then think carefully about dating them again.
* Finally, what are the worst aspects of the dating you've done with them? Have they upset you, have they let you down, have you felt that you – yourself – aren’t that bothered, etc.
Trying to pick this apart will definitely provide you with the kind of information you need to move forward with them or to stop this recycle-dating pattern.
Good luck, Happy dating, Pam x
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Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
If there are any little ones in your life, Dr Pam’s first children’s story book is out now: http://tinyurl.com/36y3xr6n
