Beware of the ‘Submariner’
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares her tips on how to avoid being ghosted.
Dating terminology continually evolves just as the dating scene evolves. But seeing “submarining” mentioned I thought what is this dating-behaviour?
Here is the lowdown, submarining is a form of ghosting. Ghosting, as you undoubtedly know, is when you have been doing lots of messaging like on an app, or have even started seeing someone. Only to have them drop out of sight for good. No messages, no calls, like a puff of smoke they are gone.
Submarining is a development on ghosting. It is when a person drops out of your life but a number of months later, gets in touch. Seemingly out of the blue they are back!
You might be happy to see them, if you were pining for them. Even if you can get them off your mind during these months apart, you must use caution getting re-involved with them. If they can do it once, they can do it again.
Unless they have a fantastic excuse, I would advise steering clear. Because 99% of people must realise it is pretty crushing to just disappear on someone. And the other 1% are sociopaths who don’t care!
If you’re still keen to give them a second chance do these:
*Explore with them why – in detail – they decided to dump you without a word. Consider carefully what they say.
*Ask them if they had even given a thought about your feelings when they slipped off out of your life. If they say “not really” don’t go there!
*Let them know that if they start to feel that things aren’t working for them, to just tell you. And not do a runner again.
Personally, I don’t advise giving someone who behaves like a submariner, a second chance. However, I realise there may be the very rare but actually good excuse, for such behaviour.
Good luck and happy dating! x
Sign up now with your wingman by downloading the Wingman app in the App store and Google Play store. Available in the US and UK for IOS and Android devices.
Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php
