Avoid the unworthy complex when dating!
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares her tips on how to stay confident when dating.
Human beings are literal body language experts as well as being “vibe” experts. We can usually read someone’s intentions through their body language and the general vibe they give off at 20 paces.
This leaves us open to having our own body language read. And having people make assumptions about us from our general vibe.
This is important in everyday circumstances but especially so when you’re single and looking to date, find love, or even just find fun.
Trust me, dating research shows that people are attracted to confidence in other singles. There is a vast difference between recognising that someone is confident – and can negotiate social situations fairly easily – and those who are arrogant. Arrogance is a totally different thing.
When heading to meet up with the person you’ve been chatting on a dating app, or through some other means, it’s important to enter the situation without the unworthy complex!
The unworthy complex involves giving off various body language and vibe messages that you believe you’re unworthy of that person’s attention,
Think about it, I’m sure you’ve spotted someone who feels this way in the past. It signifies low self-esteem - their body language, expression, the way they dress, etc., all shouts that they don’t believe in themselves.
Their body language is closed down, with bad posture, they may be fiddling with their clothing or their hair, they avoid good eye contact, they seem to shrink down within themselves, etc.
Knowing that you’ve witnessed this kind of body language and vibe in the past can inform the way you carry yourself. So that you avoid coming across in this way.
Unfortunately, the research suggests that some not very nice people will take advantage of someone who seems to feel unworthy. Women can do this but I’ve certainly heard many more stories of men taking advantage of someone who doesn’t feel good about themselves.
Alternatively, it puts people off because they just don’t find that vibe very attractive. Neither of those two outcomes are positive ones!
We can avoid the ‘unworthy complex’ –
It’s important to give yourself time if you’ve not been feeling good about yourself. Don’t rush trying to do lots of dating at this stage.
Build more of what you’re good at into your daily schedule. Whatever it is, do more of it.
Keep connected with people that you feel good around. Sharing time with people who lift you up will help you out of any feelings of unworthiness to find love.
Remind yourself frequently that you do have lots to offer and there will be some good people out there for you to date.
Even little things like give yourself extra time, if getting ready to meet someone, can keep the nerves in check.
Be open with friends that you aren’t feeling that great about yourself right now and they will undoubtedly start lifting you up. They’ll remind you why they love you as a friend. Friends and family are a big part of the foundation of becoming emotionally stronger, after all.
Good luck and happy dating x
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Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php
