Are You Ready For A Serious Relationship?

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Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (@drpamspurr on Instagram and Twitter) tells us the three tips to consider before taking things to the next step.

Things are heating up between you two and you feel so excited about where this new relationship might go. This is one of the most common themes brought up by the singles I date coach. They ask me if their situation is going to get serious? 

There are distinct signs that you are on the path to something more serious. It’s important to think clearly about these signs when you really like someone because the sexual chemistry between you can be like rose tinted spectacles: you resist seeing the negatives. 

Here are three key things to consider about yourself and that new person:

*How much do you two argue about day-to-day things?

If you’re constantly arguing it’s a sign that potentially neither of you is ready for compromise. Being able to compromise is a pillar of being ready to have a serious relationship.

Otherwise, you’ll be arguing from here to eternity! If you’re in this situation – where you argue a lot – but you really like them – it’s time to look for any ‘patterns’ to your arguing. The sort of patterns I mean include things like you two pull apart when it comes to what to do with your spare time. Recognising an issue like this can help flag up where you can successfully compromise.

*Have you met each other’s friends and families?

And does there seem to be a good vibe there? If yes, that’s a great sign for getting more serious. If no, think about the issues that make you feel stressed around each other’s friends/families. Are you still guarded about the time you spend together? Do you feel you don’t want to ‘share’ them with their friends/family? Or maybe you – or they – don’t seem that bothered about seeing each other’s friends and family?

Whatever angle applies to your relationship, think through the emotions behind it. Being around each other’s friends and family can raise feelings of envy or territoriality. Unfortunately, those feelings suggest that you aren’t ready to get serious. This flags up that your relationship hasn’t deepened enough to cope with occasional niggles that friends and family bring up.

*Do you (or they) get easily irritated by the day-to-day things of ‘life maintenance’? 

Do either of you get annoyed about having to get a big shop in, having to sort out the bills, having to plan what to do, where to go, who else to see? Again, this is a key sign that you’re not ready for what a true and serious relationship includes. It includes that ‘life maintenance’ stuff that must be done by both of you – to keep your lives running – while you decide where you’re going with this relationship.

I hope these three key points give you food for thought and help guide you on what might need to change if this relationship is going to become a serious one.

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

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