Are you in a Situationship?
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares her advice on how to deal with a situationship.
In recent years, in the dating world, a lot of terminology has sprung up to describe different dating scenarios. A very new one is called ‘situationship’. This refers to a couple who are seeing each other regularly but neither of whom have defined their relationship.
This situation, not to use a pun, works out well for people with busy lives. And who also enjoy the company of the person they’re seeing but aren’t either ready – or willing – to define the significance of their relationship. Many people I’ve date-coached have quite happily had situationship relationships without even knowing it.
The problems start when one person decides they want to define the situation that they find themselves in.
Here are a few tips for if this happens to you:
*Rocking the boat - you may feel hesitant raising the issue of how you would like to define your relationship as something more significant. You might feel like you’re rocking a pretty good boat that has worked well so far.
It’s crucial, though, that you discuss your new feelings with your ‘partner’. Otherwise, keeping these feelings hidden can lead to distress for you. You start doubting your worth. You wonder if you’re good enough for them to want to make clear what your relationship is.
*Starting the conversation - you don’t have to raise your new feelings as if they are “huge” and a “big red flag” for the relationship and something to worry about. Instead, you can keep the conversation pretty chilled.
A good start is to seize the moment when you’re both relaxed and ask them how they are feeling about “things”. Make it open-ended. Listen to what they say and they might ask you the same thing in return. If they don’t, be honest and tell them how you would like to deepen things between you.
*Don’t panic – if they are unprepared to hear that or say they want to think about things, etc., don’t worry about it at this stage. After all, you two have been coasting along happily and they might have felt this was a great place to be with your relationship.
Give them a little time but not too much time. Never lose sight that your feelings, about wanting something more serious, are valid and important. Ultimately, if they don’t come on board with your feelings - but you feel you’re ready for a deeper relationship - you might decide to move on from your situationship.
Good luck and happy dating, Pam x
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