6 Steps To Bedroom Confidence

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Our relationship expert, Dr Pam Spurr (@drpamspurr on Instagram and Twitter) shares her tips on how to feel good in the bedroom.

Repeated surveys show far too many women lack bedroom confidence. They feel shy and inhibited instead of feeling excited about sex. Many think along the lines: I don’t know how to get the sex I want, so what’s the point?

Unfortunately lack of bedroom confidence can have the negative outcome of a lack of desire. With a recent survey found a staggering 80% of women lose desire at some point!

It’s time to shake things up and discover your sexual confidence. 

Here are six steps to boost bedroom confidence.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 1: Know thyself -

No room for shyness to get the sex you want. Far too many women simply don’t know how their bodies tick. 

It’s crucial you discover what feels fantastic and what turns you off. Self-pleasure is the way to go, so treat yourself to a lovely bubble bath where you can relax and have some ‘me-time’ of an exciting type!

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 2: Share the pleasure – 

Take this knowledge about how your body works – the pressure and speed of touch that makes you feel good - into your next relationship. Guide their hands to the places you’ve discovered feelgood. 

You can cup their hand in yours and take control, moving their fingertips back and forth, or around and around, across your pleasure zones. They’ll get the message that’s the touch you like and then they can recreate those moves.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 3: Talk yourself up –

Think about the negative messages you might give yourself. Things like: “I’m not good in bed, I never know what to do with a partner, I’m never going to be sexy”, are really bad for your bedroom confidence.

So be mindful about what you tell yourself. Challenge such negative thoughts and replace them with things like: I can relax and let go in the bedroom, I’ll enjoy myself the next time I have sex, etc.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 4: Toy-joy –

Sales of sex toys have greatly increased but many still feel embarrassed to buy them. There are plenty of reputable adult retailers online as well as many adult high-street shops that are user-friendly. 

Don’t underestimate the joy of sex toys! Not only do they help reveal new red-hot sensations, but you can get frisky with them with your new partner – giving hours of teasing and pleasing each other.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 5: It’s never about keeping up with the Joneses –

It’s easy to believe everyone has better sex than you! That’s because rarely are people honest about their struggles with sex. Many confide in me that their best friend or work colleagues seem to have such exciting sex lives - when they could be exaggerating.

Not only do people lie that they’re swinging from the chandeliers but it’s never good to compare anyway. What turns you on will turn your best friend off and vice versa. Who cares what other people are doing - keep focused on what works for you.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 6: Do it your way –

With something like 60% of women finding it hard to climax regularly during penetrative sex it can be very demoralising, knocking confidence. 

The biggest myth is that the best sex is having full penetration. That’s a damaging myth and increasingly couples are discovering that many women are more likely to climax through oral sex. Some women climax only when they’re on top. And other women climax only with sex toys.

This means the only ‘right way’ is doing it your way!

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