6 Reasons Why People Have Ghosted During Dating
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) talks us through the reasons why a date might have stopped communicating with you.
It's a sad fact that literally 99% of singles I've date-coached have been ghosted. Some even admit to having ghosted someone, themselves.
When a single has been ghosted the first question they have, in a coaching session, is why do people 'ghost'?
I’ve spoken to countless singles plus looked at relationship surveys and there are some key reasons why people decide to ghost someone.
Here are six key reasons why people ghost (that should help you move on):
1/ Embarrassment
Sometimes it feels like you're making too big a deal out of not seeing someone again. For instance, if you've only had one date many singles figure it's hard to find the right words to say. And that they’ll embarrass themselves and make a hash of it.
It's easy enough to avoid any embarrassment by thinking through something simple to say like e.g. that you don't want to take things further but it was nice to meet them.
2/ The other person won't care
Many singles think that if you've only done lots of messaging - or only had a date or two - that the other person won't care if you don't give them a reason for not seeing them again.
Scratch that thought - most people do care even if you've only had one date, etc. Also, sometimes people ghost because they don’t think they’re ‘good enough’ for the other person to care.
3/ It's early days
Some people tell themselves that it's early days and it really doesn't matter about getting in touch with that person you've been messaging on an app. Or that maybe you’ve even met up with. Yes, it's early days but still people do want to know what's going on.
4/ Lack of communication skills
Some singles think they just don't have the communication skills to let someone down gently after a brief amount of dating or, say, after lots of messaging. As with number 1/ simply practice what you want to say and then do it.
5/ Sociopathic behaviour
You might have had a lucky escape and you're ghosted by someone with sociopathic tendencies or who is a true sociopath. Sociopaths ghost all the time! Some just don't care and some might even get some pleasure knowing that they've left a person dangling and wondering what's going on.
6/ You were let down
You might choose to let go someone who didn’t behave very well on a date or made you feel uncomfortable in some way. You feel it’s not your responsibility to give them a reason and fair enough in this case.
Ultimately, it's almost always better to drop someone a message or have a brief call with them (depending on whether you've had dates or simply have been messaging). All you need to do is be polite, straightforward and keep it brief. This can make all the difference to a fellow single. Keep in mind how you want to be treated and that's how you should treat other singles.
Happy dating, Pam x
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Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
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