5 Post-Breakup Traps To Avoid
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares her tips on how to avoid falling into a slump after a break-up.
Literally everyone goes through at least one breakup in a lifetime and then, when you’re ready, it’s onwards and upwards to start dating again.
However, there's so much that can scupper your chances to find romance when still a bit vulnerable. It’s best to be aware of these five classic post-breakup traps we fall into.
Post-breakup Trap No. 1: You're so lonely!
You're used to having your ex's affection ‘on tap’ - they could give you cuddles after a bad day, a row with your sister or falling out with your boss. The lonely nights now seem to stretch on for an eternity. Unfortunately looking for love when you're still feeling loneliness makes you more likely to date any old person - even someone who is not going to be good for your breakup recovery.
How to sort it: Rely on your friends to see you through the lonely nights. Stay away from one-night-stands that’ll make you even lonelier (unless you have strong heart and simply want sexual release). Get out and try some new hobbies - take an evening class, join a gym, etc.
Post-breakup Trap No. 2: You'll show them!
Inside you think the best way to get back at your ex is to show them how quickly you can find a new partner. Dating for this reason usually backfires. The next person you meet gets mixed signals from you - probably because you drop mentions of your ex into your conversation too much.
How to sort it: If you simply want to get back at your ex then using another person to do so is one of the worst possible ways. You’re unlikely to come out well! Instead, when you cross paths with your ex hold your head high, put on a confident front and just act as if life is fantastic.
Post-breakup Trap No. 3: You're feeling a bit bitter!
Dating, eh? Can't trust anyone, they only want one thing, they're selfish, and so on. If your breakups left you feeling this bitter then you're likely to put off new people who otherwise would ask you out. They can sense such negativity a mile away.
How to sort it: Definitely rationalise such irrational feelings. Even if your ex broke your heart, maybe cheated on you, etc., not all partners are like them. When you have such thoughts stop yourself immediately and challenge them. Remind yourself of the ‘good ones’ you know.
Post-breakup Trap No. 4: Rose coloured spectacles!
Don't get caught up feeling there'll never be another person like your ex. Especially if your breakup was something that couldn't be helped like they had to move abroad for the most exciting job ever, etc. Putting them on a pedestal and seeing them through rose coloured specs means you don't give that good person who wants to ask you out a look-in.
How to sort it: Keep that seemingly perfect ex-partner in perspective. No one is perfect. Remind yourself of the times you argued or when they could be a bit difficult. Getting that perspective will get you ready to date again.
Post-breakup Trap No. 5: Being single is sad!
Some people only get their self-worth through the person they have hanging on their arm. They define themselves completely by their relationships. If they're single, they believe they must be a bit sad. This'll definitely come across as a bit desperate to the people you're now meeting – because it’s hard to disguise such negative feelings.
How to sort it: Start relishing all your good points - the things that make you, you. Think about the things your friends appreciate in you. Stop believing that you're only a worthy person if you're part of a couple. Enjoy doing things with your friends and as a single.
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Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php
