5 mistakes to avoid when dating someone new
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares her tips on how to avoid the don'ts when it comes to a new relationship.
Sometimes we all need a reality check. Not necessarily in our dating life, but generally in life for whatever reason we lose our sense of self-awareness, about our behaviour. Everyone is guilty of this at some point. And it happens a bit too much with some singles who need a reality check.
Having worked as a part-time date coach for over 20 years I have seen this too often. A single tells me that they have tried everything. They always put their best foot forward but they always get rejected after a couple of dates. When I explore such things further, I usually find they’re making classic mistakes with someone they’ve just met.
Here are five key mistakes to avoid in your early days of dating someone new:
*I shouldn’t have to mention this but I will. Within a nanosecond of meeting someone you don’t tell them you want marriage, babies and two dogs. And this is not directed only at women I know plenty of single men who have come on too strong about future plans after a date or two. It’s one thing if you’ve met on a dating app or website that is specifically for people who want to get married. Quite another if you’re not on such a focused app like Wingman.
*Droning on and on about your favourite pursuit in life often puts people off. One piece of dating research found that enthusiasm is very attractive but completely and singularly focused on one activity can be a bit much. It suggests that you don’t have a number of interests to potentially share or that you may become a one trick pony that doesn’t have anything else to offer.
Again, this is fine if you two met at a Doctor Who convention and share a passion for that. Not so good if you’re hoping to meet someone who shares a few of the same interests and is willing to learn about your interests.
*Good manners go a long way. Not everyone is hung up on what we classically describe as ‘good manners’. However, that doesn’t mean that people want to hear a bunch of swearing and bad language. By far the majority also want to see serving staff being thanked when out in a pub or restaurant and other such small niceties. It always pays to pay attention to these things so that a new person doesn’t think you’re rude or insensitive. You can swear like a trooper once you know each other if both of you are so inclined!
*Being overly keen for your next interaction can feel daunting. And that means things like texting them with a ‘thank you’ the second you leave your first face-to-face date or meet, can be too much. Unless you’ve both agreed to text when you are safely on public transport or something, don’t panic, you can message a couple hours later. That gives a sense that you’ve reflected on the nice meet up and you just wanted to say thank you.
*Nearly every person walking the planet has had some sort of major trauma in their life. Unfortunately, many people have many traumas they are dealing with at once. Although we want to have an open and honest interaction with that new person, you are under no obligation to list to them all of the traumas and/or challenges you are facing right now.
Another piece of research found that people who take-, over a first meet up talking about all the awful things in their life, are less likely to get a second date. You might think: “Well, that person isn’t worth it if they don’t want to know when I’m facing”. However, it can feel daunting to someone to suddenly hear about major traumas when they are expecting a fun and possibly flirty meet up.
Good luck and happy dating x
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Follow Dr Pam on Twitter and Instagram @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php
