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How To Develop The New You

Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares her six tips on how to be the best version of your self in 2022.

2022 is the year to think outside the box when making yourself more ‘date-able’. When you’re feeling better in yourself that’s when you attract the right people into your life.

So here are six strategies to help develop a new you:

1. Face a Fresh Challenge

Inject some sparkle into your life by setting yourself a new challenge. When was the last time you felt challenged - mentally or physically?

Think back to the way ancient men and women lived with daily challenges. It’s in our genes to thrive on challenge but we’re so mollycoddled to the point where we've forgotten what ‘challenge’ is. Do you make the same annual trip to a cosy B&B as a relaxing break? Why not try an activity weekend instead that challenges you to learn a new skill, for example, arts, crafts, maybe sailing? Or you could stop speaking English when you visit Spain each summer, surprising the locals by having learnt Spanish. Try resisting the easy road and face some new challenges.

2. Put Creative Thinking To Use

Your creative juices need to flow and in this context by shaking up the way you’ve viewed an ongoing problem/dilemma. Everyone has ongoing issues - usually swept under the carpet.

How can you get creative about an ongoing issue? Begin by turning it on its head. Let's say you have a constant frustration with a colleague. You think they're unreasonable and guess what? They probably think you are! The next time you're about to cross swords disagreeing with their proposal, imagine they’re your best friend. What would you say if your best friend made their suggestion? You'd be encouraging. Or if you wanted to alter what they’ve suggested, you'd do so politely and tactfully. Try that with your colleague. They’ll either receive your support with open arms or be speechless.

3. Conquer A Fear

Fears hold us back in many ways. Frequently we can get away with ignoring them but that’s not good enough when you want to shake things up. Choose a fear you'd like to tackle, for instance, of lifts. Begin by casually standing near your lift at work, observing people using it for 10 minutes daily over three days. Relax your breathing and posture while observing. When comfortable with this, stand right next to the lift doors - again observing and relaxing. Next ask a trusted friend/colleague to accompany you for one floor in the lift as you relax your breathing. After a few accompanied trips, do it yourself perhaps with them waiting. It will give you a real boost to conquer a fear!

4. Dare To Go On A Magical Mystery Tour

Why not put yourself to the test with a fun adventure daring to go somewhere random. Ask a friend to join you on a mystery tour. Take a map of your region. Close your eyes and circle your finger above the map before placing it on the map. Sort out travel to visit that random place. Most people never do anything as random but it can show you how spontaneity can be fun and you can take that attitude into dating.

5. A Step Towards Your Dream - Those who dare to hang onto their dreams, are those that might just make their dream happen. Obviously we all need to knuckle down to a job that pays the bills. It would be unrealistic to assume that at, say, age 41 you’ll become the pop star you wanted to be as a teenager. But translate that youthful dream into something more realistic - but still a touch magical - and it's worth pursuing. A 45-year-old pop star? No! But 45-year-old choir member - Yes!

6. Recharge Your Relationships

As well as romantic relationships, friendships and other relationships can also do with recharging. Making the most of your relationships helps you be dating-ready. Friends tend to meet in the same places so why not change that from today? You could check out somewhere new to suggest meeting friends. As well as suggesting trying something together like taking a class or visiting a gallery. Little steps give you and your friends (or other relationships) new things to chat about rather than the same old, tired gossip.

Here’s to the ‘new you’ being a springboard for some exciting dating!

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