How To Deal With An Age-Gap Relationship.
Is your new age gap relationship doomed? Our relationship expert, Dr Pam Spurr (on Twitter @drpamspurr) tells us how to avoid the cracks.
The passion at the start of an age gap relationship’s incredibly powerful. I know, I’ve previously been in one. The older partner loves the energy and sexiness of the younger thinking: wow, this is amazing!
The younger’s excited by the experience of the older thinking: I’ve never met anyone like this!
But age gap relationships come with a hefty price, breaking up at more than twice the rate of a no/little-gap relationships. Even a 5-year-gap means you’re 18% more likely to breakup. But with a 20-year-gap the stats are staggering: you’re 95% more likely to break up than a no-gap relationship.
If you’re looking with eyes full of love (and probably lust) at your younger or older partner, it’s important to bear in mind some major areas of pressure. These include friends and family telling you you’re making a mistake, the pressure of strangers raising their eyebrows wherever you go in public. The fact one of you might already have children (probably the older one) and the other wants children. And things like how much you both like socialising (the old one might feel they’ve been there and done that) and popular cultural references you just don’t get. They reference things in their youth that you have no idea about.
Here are some tips to mind that gap:
*Have you two taken the time to honestly discuss these issues like whether or not, if you stay together, you’ll have children in future? An honest discussion’s the only way to prevent problems.
*If family worry about this relationship, you both must present a united front. Both of you need to show maturity in the face of criticism from others – especially the younger one. You can’t react by going off in the strop when they flag up concerns. That only proves their point. Instead let them know you two are facing potential age-gap issues together.
*Children from previous relationships can be very sensitive to age gaps. For instance, a teenager might be mortified if they’re divorced mother - who is 50 – is seeing someone in their 20s. Don’t rub your relationship in their face. Respect their sensitive feelings.
*There’s bound to be awkward feelings from both sides. For instance, if you’re the younger one and friends tease you about being with an ‘old’ man or woman. Remember you are more mature than they’re acting. You’re capable of having a relationship with an older person.
Or the older one might constantly get teased that they can’t keep up with the young one in bed.
Face your friends square on, let them know their friendship’s important but that you want to draw a line on their teasing.
Good luck with this new age gap relationship!
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Follow Dr Pam Spurr on Twitter @drpamspurr and on Instagram @drpamspurr
For more advice, visit her website at www.drpam.co.uk
Check out Dr Pam’s podcast: https://bit.ly/2JFPjBU
View her inspirational art paintings here
Photo credit: @dashapats via Twenty20
Photo by Scott Broome on Unsplash
Photo by Nikola Saliba on Unsplash
